Politics Jokes

A black guy, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar... The bartender asks, ""What can I get you Mr. President?"" ;-P

This is business The dad walks up to his son and say: I wanna choose a girl for you to get married. Son: NO Dad: The girl will be Bill Gate's daughter. Son: Ok, then. Dad: I wantyour daughter to marry my son. Bill Gates: No freaking way! Dad: My son is the CEO of the World's Bank. Bill Gates accepts the offer. Dad goes to the World's Bank president: I want you to make my son your CEO. President: NO! Dad: He's Gate's daughter's fiancee. President: YES!

A Blonde And A Lawyer A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."" Again, she declines and tr…

Why Do Republican Couples Keep A Copy Of Ronald Reagan's Biography Next To Their Bed? So that it can be used as an *aphrodisiac*

The Congress Man And The Little Girl [The Congressman and the Little Girl](http://www.1976ad.com/2011/09/11/the-congress-man-and-the-little-girl/) A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, ""Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."" The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, ""What would you want to talk about?"" ""Oh, I don't know…

THE LONGEST JOKE I KNOW! *before starting this id just like to let everyone know that one of my music teachers told me this joke 6 years ago and hopefully everyone has a good sense of humor* So theres this man named Juan and Juan has a wife and two kids. Juan makes his family follow three rules and three rules only. No drinking, no drugs and no cursing. Juan's family was been going by these rules for a long time and his family is completely perfect. So one day Juan is out in his garden and his n…

Blondes can be smart A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and…

The presidents of Serbia, Mexico and the United States were each granted the ability to ask God one question... The Serbian president first went up to God , and asked, ""Father, when will my country finally be rid of poverty and corruption? God paused, and then answered, ""In 300 years, my son."" The Serbian president began to weep, ""I won't live to see that day!"" Next the Mexican president went up to God and asked, ""Lord, when will *my* country finally be rid of poverty and corruption?"" God…

I met a fairy today who said that she would grant me one wish. ""I want to live forever,"" I said. ""Sorry,"" said the fairy, ""I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"" ""Fine,"" I said, ""then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"" ""You are a crafty bastard,"" said the fairy.

Black man kills conservative politician! The final Fox News spin on Osama's death.

The Moral of this is...... President Bush tried, and failed. President Clinton tried, and failed. President Obama tried, and succeded. The moral of this is... If you want someone dead, hire a black man...

The LAPD, the FBI and the CIA The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President gets tired of the bickering and decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. …

Rancher and the Deputy A Deputy stops at a ranch and talks with the old ranch owner. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.' The officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Pointing to the badge on his chest he proudly says, 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... on any land. No questions asked or answe…

Senator Franken dies and goes to heaven... Senator Franken dies and is processed through the Heavenly Admission Administration. Somewhere along the proceedings, he expresses his fear that maybe Glenn Beck will be admitted to Heaven too, being such a staunch Christian. Which would definitley ruin it for Franken so he'd rather go to Hell in that case. ""No worries mate,"" says the processing admin angel, ""Yer won't see the likes of that one 'ere, ey"". So Franken is all ""Kay, sure, cool"" and ge…

Algorithm A former vice president playing the drums

I'm surprised Trump ran as a Republican I thought he was running as a joke

I rather have a bottle of soda for President than Donald Trump. This way, we could truly have a Liter of the Free World.

The new season of House of Cards will be nothing compared to what lies ahead with President Trump!

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda? Civic doody.

Forest Gump decides to run for President of USA and is getting interviewed about it. Interviewer: ""We were all surprised that you decided to run for President Mr Gump, what made you do that""? Gump: ""My personal experiences really compel me to do it."" I: ""What type of promises will you make to the voters?"" Gump: ""Well first of all I'd make running the national sport, fishing the national past time, Curious George the national book, ping pong taught in all classes and no more war."" I:""Tha…

Former presidential candidate Senator Sanders falls ill. What do you call him? A sick Bern.

Cows CSIRO Officials admitted that they found about 200 dead crows on the highway between Noonamah and Palmerston, in Northern Territory, where there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. The Territory Government approved and the CSIRO contracted a bird pathologist to examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, much to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2…

What's the opposite of progress? The president.

Two men, an American and a Russian were argueing. One said, in my country I can go to the white house walk to the president's office and pound the desk and say ""Mr president! I don't like how you're running things in this country!"" The Russian said ""I can do that too!"" ""really?"" ""Yes! I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the general secretary's office and pound the desk and say, mr. secretary, I don't like how Reagan is running his country!""

So what if Putin fudged election So ve it