Politics Jokes

I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

Say at cat 'Im rubbin ur belly' while rubbin belly, 'Im pattin ur head' while pattin head, else never learns anatomy, becomes Texas senator

I think the government looks at Twitter and thinks 'This is WAY cheaper than Asylums'

I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun.

American government is of the people, by the people and for the people. Which begs the question: what is wrong with you people?

Does anyone get the urge to tweet something really bad just to see if the government is really paying attention to you?

How about we don't pick a president this time and everyone promises to behave themselves.

MORMON ELECTION GAME: Every time Romney becomes president, drink.

SECURITY GUARD: [speaking into the cuff of his shirt] The president is on his way to the car LITTLE MOUSE THAT LIVES IN HIS SLEEVE: Ok cool

There should be a branch of the government that just helps people who get stood up.

I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces.

It looks like I'm missing a lot of tweets. They were probably so great the Library of Congress just couldn't wait to archive them.

Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.

Government Shutdown: Day Two Mars rover Curiosity sits with nothing to do. Watches all 5 seasons of "The Wire". Totally gets the hype now.

What's so lame about a duck President? Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!

i don't think i can go back to a white president

Body scans and genital fondlings would save more lives if our Government was paying to have them done in hospitals rather than airports.

If I were president my approval rating would be bananas, because as president I would change all rating systems to types of fruit.

17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq

[Donald Trump's election speech] "America, I have only 1 thing to say" *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D"

Frozen pizza recalled? The government appears to have changed tactics to combat drug users: Legalize pot, but take away their food.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...& murderous clowns, & ISIS, & one of these two getting elected President after Halloween.

On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election.

HILLARY CLINTON: Putin wants a puppet as the US president KERMIT THE FROG: YAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!

I had a winning lottery ticket but I couldn't cash it in before it expired and now I get nothing. I am *such* a Democrat.