Politics Jokes

Gotta elect a billionaire President in 2012, 'cause rich white guys just aren't getting their voices heard in DC.

Congress always makes me feel nostalgic for college when I waited for the last minute to do shitty work and blame anyone but myself.

I can't wait for thanksgiving. It's an election year so that means there will be at least 4 fist fights and someone's getting disowned.

10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.

REMINDER: Joe Biden is the only American vice president in the last 15 years who hasn't shot a friend in the face.

Wait, is Obama our second black President or our first black President again?

"God" not mentioned in Democratic platform means they don't worship God. "Money" mentioned eleven times in Republican platform.

My son has the ability to predict what will happen in the future and later explain why it didn't happen. I think I'm raising a politician.

My mind is a micro-government, fighting wars of its own creation for profit.

A parliament of owls, a murder of crows, a thatsso of ravens

7: I didn't do my homework Me: why not? 7: they told us to write about the new president Me: so? 7: you told me not to cuss

Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Hearing now that the government closed the Grand Canyon. Not sure if they roll a tarp over it or how that works.

[mastercard commercial] "there are some things that money can't buy" politician: i don't get it

"Donald Trump is feuding with the Pope" is like the 7th Onion headline that's become real life in this election season

[2048] President Khaleesi Smith decrees that the words of the Star Spangled Banner will be changed to "Land of the fleek & home of the bae"

It's 3000 AD. Everything is fleek. President Updog has dissolved congress. Women make 700x what men do. I'm still writing 2014 on my checks.

If you think it's hilarious that George Bush is getting a library, wait till you hear he was our PRESIDENT for EIGHT YEARS.

I'm trying to envision something more fitting than this election actually ending in a Biden-Trump fist fight and i cannot

"I don't know the government, and I'm not giving them any of my coins." - my 4yo after I explained taxes

BREAKING: Hillary Clinton concedes election to Donald Trump, saying "I just can't see how I can win after Scott Baio endorsed Trump."

I just became the mayor of "Giving Away Tons of Personal Data to Corporations and Government Agencies Because I'm an Idiot" on FourSquare!

[interview] "I'm not sure your experience is sufficient for this position." me: Trump is president "Touche, you're hired"

Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we're regretting that decision.

*double-checks the constitution to see if we really have to have a president*

[guy from the 50s arrives in a time machine] "Who's president?" Barack Obama "Braco? Sounds Mexican" Nope "Whew" You might want to sit down