Obama Jokes

Jay Z and Beyonce had a 4 million dollar dinner with Obama.... Wtf did they eat? Fresh dinosaur?

OBAMA: I want to close Gitmo GOP: no OBAMA: But you haven't even GOP: no OBAMA: ... GOP: no OBAMA: I'm resigning GOP: no OBAMA: haha gotcha

"more like president PAJAMA" *obama jumps into pj's, congress full of 12 year olds is pleased*

Obama turns 52 today. Republicans vote to repeal it.

Facebook made billions by saying "Hey, remember that kid you haven't seen since the third grade? He's a parent who hates Obama now."

*malia passes me a joint* thanks obama

USA lose graciously to Belgium in the World Cup. Obama says no hard feelings & any drones heading towards Belgium are nothing to worry about

What if Obama keeps the nuclear codes in a folder on his desktop called "Missile-aneous"? That'd be cute.

Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous "Obamanible snowman...?" *obama walks in* Everything okay joe? *nervously* "Uh yeah just fine"

First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely.

Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies. Under Obama we had 1. Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?

I misread a headline today as "the stealthy face a tax increase" and thought good luck catching those ninjas, Obama!

Do all Toyota Priuses come with Obama '08 stickers already on them?

IDEA: Ban fabric softener & harness the resulting static electricity to end dependence on foreign oil. You're welcome, Obama

GOP threatens to shutdown government unless Obama changes color of skin.

I'm an Obama supporter but there's no escaping the harsh truth that Batman v Superman happened on his watch.

#MyHomelessSignWouldSay Obama aint the only one who wants change

Conan refuses to accept a 12:05 Tonight Show. NBC says he can't leave. I'm just waiting for Obama to say Leno is a "jackass".

OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit

Hey Obama, how about, "Everyone Has to Look Like Their Profile Picture in Person" for a campaign slogan?

*talking into the phone, loudly enough that I know those ladies can hear me* WHATS THAT? MY SPACESHIP IS READY? GREAT, THANKS BARACK. OBAMA.

Can't believe the Obama 2012 campaign isn't using the slogan "Once you go black, you don't go back."

Hate it when dudes say "leave something to the imagination!" like what do you think is under my clothes? a mystery prize? a pumpkin? Obama?

Obama could eat children alone under a bridge hunched over like Gollum in a thunder storm and he'd still be better than Bush.

Obama has been endorsed by Warren Buffett, Colin Powell, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. Romney has been endorsed by Lindsay Lohan.