Obama Jokes

According to FOX News, the Celtics lost because Obama did nothing to stop Kobe.

I shouted "the blue Subaru with an Obama sticker left its lights on!" at Mt. Bachelor and had the *entire* hill to myself for an hour

When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.

*Obama approaches podium* Fellow Americans, I like cookies with raisins in them *press starts booing* They're good & healthy *Michelle nods*

[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*

[Obama giving Trump the White House tour] O: and here's the toaster, it tends to stick so don't be afraid to jam a fork in to get it workin

Obama just said that no one is listening to our phones..I wonder if he realizes that the LAST thing we do with our phones is make a call!

There's always an Obama in relationships. The one that has to compromise, doesn't really get much credit, and never wins, no matter what.

If Obama wins I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel.

OBAMA IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!! ME: OMG *clutches guns* [7 years later] ME (frustratedly checking my watch): This guy is taking forever

"What's wrong with our country?" OBAMA! "Who are we going to reelect in 2012?" OBAMA!

Big news! Obama read my tweets and appointed me Secretary of Swagriculture

So you're all Obama fans now? Name 3 of his albums.

[presidents 2km race - finish line] OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record? CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11

the turkey takes his mask off it's edward snowden obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now

Obamacare? More like "Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!" Honk if you want poor people to die

Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages w all the neighbors that Kevin was abandoned & alone? Thanks Obama.

Trump says that Obama founded ISIS but in his defense Donald thinks that founded is a synonym for "located"

I get all my indisputable political facts from what my uncle Harold posts on Facebook. Like did u know Obama killed the last living unicorn?

obama canceled the moon exploration program! now we'll never know why it keeps disappearing every month

Obama sure is waiting until the last minute to take everyone's guns.

Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You'd think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated

When I see a car with a Romney bumper sticker driving near a car with an Obama sticker I want them to turn into transformers & battle

Cut to Obama and Biden silently eating schwarma.

Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time.. I say, the person who chose the spelling of, "Colonel" is the biggest liar of all time