Obama Jokes

Bill O'Reilly calls President Obama and asks him what he'd like most for the holidays. ""I couldn't possibly accept gifts in my position,"" said Obama. The TV host insists and said he could ask for anything, no matter how big or small. ""Well,"" said Obama, ""If you insist I suppose I could accept a dozen Titleist Pro V1's (golf balls). My game is off and lately I seem to be loosing my balls."" A month later the President is watching TV when the O'Reilly says, ""A while back we asked a number of…

Little Billy ran up to his mom shouting ""I figured it out! Obama is an alien!"" Mom asked him, ""What do you mean?"" ""Well, Dad says that these aliens called 'grays' are trying to take over the world."" ""OK dear, and how does that have to do with the president?"" ""Mom, don't you know? His dad is black and his mom is white. That makes him gray!""

A conversation on Air Force One Persident Obama, Oprah, and Michelle were all flying on Air Force One one day. Obama turned to Oprah, chuckled, and said ""You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out of the window right now and make someone very happy."" Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, ""I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."" Michelle added, ""Well if that's the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make one hundred people…

Obama is the first president to visit a federal prison. Hes also the first black man to be let OUT of a federal prison

The South Declares War President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. ""Hello, President Obama"" a heavily accented southern voice said. ""This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"" ""Well Archie,"" Barack replied, ""This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"" ""Right now,"" said Archie, after a moments calculation ""there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door…

You think das ist a long time? Obama, Putin and Merkel meet in Hamburg for a private summit, and Merkel decides to break the ice with a nice walk around the lake (Alster). Obama, admiring the foliage, says ""you know, in the States, we have forests so vast, that some military training exercises last as long as 2 years."" Putin replies, ""Ah yes, but Comrade, the vastness and beauty of the Siberian wilderness is such that our soldiers don't leave for 4 years!"" Merkel, being the peace-keeper betw…

What Obama is doing right now Sitting in the oval office with iPhone headphones on watching Mr. Robot. His advisors knocking on his door. ""GO AWAY!""

When the president is lonely what does he say? I'm Obama-self.

Obama called Putin, but Putin put his phone on the auto-answer mode... Obama called Putin, Putin put his phone on the auto-answer mode: The auto-answer text is: ""Hello, you're calling the president of Russia, Putin. Unfortunately I'm not able to answer you now. If you want to surrender, click on: 1. If you want to threaten me with new sanctions, click on: 2. If you want to discuss the situation in Ukraine, click on: 3. All buttons except the button 1,2 and 3, activate our intercontinental rocke…

Even today this is still the best one I know Obama got elected twice.

Obama, Putin and Merkel are walking along the beach... ...when Putin starts bragging ""My submarines are better than yours, and my men are better trained. They can stay under water for months!"" Obama doesn't seem impressed. ""Even if that were true, US Naval Intelligence knows where every ship in the world is at every moment. You are no threat to us."" Suddenly, a submarine emerges from the water, a hatch opens, a man gets out and shouts over: ""Heil Hitler! Can anybody tell me where to get mor…

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border. May I see your identification, please?"" asked the agent. ""I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet,"" replied the guy. ""Sure Buddy, I hear that every day. No I.D., no entry,"" said the agent. ""Look, I can prove I'm an American!"" he exclaimed. ""I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side…

Obama tells the truth A man dies and is at the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. He notices all these clocks hanging at the entrance and asks what they are doing there. The man at the gate says: ""those are lie clocks. For each lie the clock takes one minute off of your life and it also has a counter for days for the bad liars. See that one the one with a zero for the days and its still at midnight? That is mother Theresa's she has never lied and there is George Washington's only 3 lies""…

Inflation joke Due to inflation, a picture is now worth only 436 words. Thanks obama.

ONLY 4 TICKETS LEFT I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evel Knievel) Event at the Ford Center next weekend in Glendale AZ, if anybody wants them. Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.

In 1987, we had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope... ...now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

Cant help some people Today I had to go to the mall. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, ""I'm not handicapped!"" Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! ""Oh, I'm sorry,"" I said. ""I saw your Obama bumper sticker, and I just assumed that you suffered from some sort of mental disorder."" She gave me th…

What's Funnier then an Obama Joke? DEZ NUTZ!!!

President Obama walks into the Bank of America and says to a cashier, ""Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me""? Cashier: ""It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID""? Obama: ""Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States ."" Cashier: ""Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the Government regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters an…

A young boy asks Obama for an autograph Obama was in no hurry so he smiled and graciously signed the boy's piece of paper. As he handed the signed paper back to the boy, he was surprised to see the boy handing him four more pieces of paper. ""Do you want me to sign these for your friends and family?"" The honest boy replies ""Nope. I get one of Kobe Bryant's for five of yours.""

Do you think Obama is Jewish? He is always asking for change...

I heard that if you give Obama a prostrate massage The world will be at your finger tips.

I'm really glad that Obama won in 2008 and was able to be the first black president of the United States of America his back up job was to be the first white president of Kenya.

(Political) Obama dies of a sudden disease while in Jerusalem The Jews take his body and offer the United States a deal on how to bury him: They can either pay a hundred dollars to bury him in Jerusalem or pay 1 billion dollars to have him shipped back to the US to be buried. The American government gathers together to decide. After much arguing, they tell the Jews they will pay the billion to have him returned. The Jews agree, but ask: ""Why spend all that money when you could have saved so muc…

Obama is a cashier and you give him a $10 bill for a $9.97 item. What do you say to him? Keep the change it doesn't really make a difference.