United States Of America Jokes

All across the United States of America, at this very moment, right now.... Kelsey, Madison and Taylor literally can't even.

advertising slogans are the official language of the united states of america

It'd be nice if the pre-requisite to being a politician in the United States of America didn't involve being a lying sack of shit.

To the citizens of the USA from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In the light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except …

The United States of America Yeah, That's it.

Four Chinese brothers.... ...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

A big earthquake hits the Middle East.. A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 strikes the Middle East, Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured, Iraq, Syria, and even parts of Iran are completely in rubble and don't know where to start with the rebuilding process. Also in shock, the rest of the world begins sending relief and supplies, Britain is sending in troops to keep the peace, Saudi Arabia, not as impacted, is sending oil and monetary assistance, Latin American countries …

Q: What superpower is ruined the most by real world physics? A: The United States of America. Well, I though it was funny! https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/487b9m/what_superpower_is_ruined_the_most_by_real_world/d0hvyj0

What's the difference between USA and USB? One is the United States of America and the other is an industry standard developed in the mid-1990s that defines the cables, connectors and communications protocols used in a bus for connection, communication, and power supply between computers and electronic devices.

The next President of the United States of America, Donald Trump.

If Donald Trump becomes the President of the United States of America... ...there will be hell toupee!

Why is there a 100,000 oil limit in World of Warcraft Garrisons? Because anything more than that might cause an invasion by the United States of America!

I'm really glad that Obama won in 2008 and was able to be the first black president of the United States of America his back up job was to be the first white president of Kenya.

Ok so there's this brunette who is determined to vanquish the stereotype that all blonds are dumb so she invites one million blond people to her event and manages to get her event televised all over the world. She then points to a blond sat on the front row and asks her to get on the stage. ""Ok, today is the day, I'm here to prove to you all that blonds are not dumb people, just regular people like you and me who have a different hair colour. I will ask this woman three questions and I guarante…

So an airplane was about to crash..... An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, ""I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die."" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, ""I am the wife of the former US President, a NY State Senator and a potential future President. I deserve to live"" And she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the pl…

Old enough to serve, not old enough to be served: the Army and Alcohol There was a thread a while back where a pun thread took off; it was about the moral hypocrisy of being allowed to put your life at risk fighting in war, while simultaneously not being allowed to drink alcohol. While I detest most pun threads, this one seemed entertaining to me for some reason, despite the fact that almost all of the puns were of the exact same format. Anyway, I compiled all the puns from that thread, made a f…

Little Johnny was about to go home from school but before his class was dismissed, his 2nd grade teacher said,""I'm going to teach you guys about the government next class, so for homework I want you to ask your parents about the government."" When Johnny got home, he went up to his father and asked him,"" Daddy, what's the government?"" His father said,""Look at it this way son. Our house is the United States of America, and I'm the president, your mother is Congress, the maid is the working cl…

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says ""I'm Shaquille O'Neill the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me it would be unfair to them if I died."" So he takes the first parachute and jumps. The second passenger Hillary Clinton says ""I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world a Senator in New York and America's potential future Preside…

A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturant in Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the best country in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says ""Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in front of the White House in Washington D.C. and yell 'President Clinton is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me."" The Cuban waiter replies ""We have that same freedom in Cuba. I could stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing and nothing would be …

Q: If Bill Clinton Hillary Clinton Al Gore and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized who would be saved? A: The United States of America!

A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California... The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?" One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, "We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s." The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer a…

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'" Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"

Australia's smartest man An airplane was about to crash.. There were five passengers on board, but only four parachutes. The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.” So he took the first parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Tony Abbot said, “I am the Prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest man in Australian history, so Australia’s people don’t want me to die.” He took the second parachute and jumped…

4 Mexicans In A Rowboat A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the megaphone and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?" One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's." The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter. The Captain finally catches his breath, gets back on the megaphone and asks, …

Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbledupon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it be?" Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to bring peace to the Middle East, See this map?" Bill pulls out a sweat covered…