Archie Jokes

What is wrong with Riverdale that ARCHIE was the best option?

Preparations for a Scottish wedding... Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. ""Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant,"" says Jimmy. ""A've got everythin'organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the ...rings, the minister, even ma stag night"". Archie nods approvingly. ""I've even bought a kilt to be married in!"" continues Jimmy. ""A kilt?"" exclaims Archie, ""That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's…

The South Declares War President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. ""Hello, President Obama"" a heavily accented southern voice said. ""This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"" ""Well Archie,"" Barack replied, ""This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"" ""Right now,"" said Archie, after a moments calculation ""there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door…

Glasgow Wedding Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. ""Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant,"" says Jimmy. ""Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night"". Archie nods approvingly. ""I've even bought a kilt to be married in!"" continues Jimmy. ""A kilt?"" exclaims Archie, ""That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that... What's the tartan?...."" ""O…

Who do hamburgers love on TV? Archie Bunker's son-in-law the meathead!

How to carve a fish. In the 70's in Scotland, there was a TV show called 'Weirs Way', where a man called Jim Weir would walk around the highlands, chatting with local characters. One episode, he met an old man who carved elaborate walking sticks. Jim picked up a stick that had a beautiful leaping salmon for a handle, and said to the old man, "So tell me Archie, how would you go about carving something as intricate as this?" The old man looked up from his workbench and said, "Well, it's surpri…

Scottish Wedding Glasgow boys Archie and Jock were sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding. ‘Aye, it’s all going like magic,’ said Jock. ‘I've got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.’ Archie nodded approvingly. ‘Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!’ continued Jock. ‘A kilt?’ exclaimed Archie. ‘That’s grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what’s the tartan?” ‘Ach,’ sa…