Glasgow Wedding Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. ""Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant,"" says Jimmy. ""Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night"". Archie nods approvingly. ""I've even bought a kilt to be married in!"" continues Jimmy. ""A kilt?"" exclaims Archie, ""That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that... What's the tartan?...."" ""O…

Scottish Wedding Glasgow boys Archie and Jock were sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding. ‘Aye, it’s all going like magic,’ said Jock. ‘I've got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.’ Archie nodded approvingly. ‘Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!’ continued Jock. ‘A kilt?’ exclaimed Archie. ‘That’s grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what’s the tartan?” ‘Ach,’ sa…

[sound of can opening] wife: you're drinking a beer this early? me: c'mon...it's super bowl sunday wife: but we're still at church

[phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted? W: OMG M: I'm in a bar not far from there