Jimmys Jokes

Washing cars One day, little Jimmy was walking home from school when something catches his eye. Peering into a shop window he saw a brand new red bicycle. ""Wow,"" he thought to himself, ""that sure is a great looking bike but neither my parents or I can afford it!"". Jimmy stares at it in admiration for a few minutes before carrying on his journey home. Over dinner, he mentions this bicycle to his parents and how he desires to one day buy it for himself. His parents being the type to teach thei…

Two brothers on Christmas day So there are two brothers, Jimmy and Timmy They both run down stairs to see what Santa had brought them The presents are divided into two piles, with Jimmy's pile being larger Jimmy say, "" Haha, my pile is bigger!"" Then Timmy says,"" Well, atleast I don't have cancer.""

Preparations for a Scottish wedding... Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. ""Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant,"" says Jimmy. ""A've got everythin'organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the ...rings, the minister, even ma stag night"". Archie nods approvingly. ""I've even bought a kilt to be married in!"" continues Jimmy. ""A kilt?"" exclaims Archie, ""That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's…

[Loong] Big red trike. A young boy named Jimmy, 5 years old, is looking through the Sears catalog. His birthday is coming up and he wants something great this year. Something *awesome*. So he's flipping through the catalog, going through all the Lego bricks, toy sets, whatever right? Well on the very last page of the section, Jimmy spots his heart's greatest desire. A big red metal trike. You know it. He just can't stop thinking about it. Day in day out, big red trike. Nap time? Big red trike. H…

Jimmy Little Jimmy was on the playground during recess one day. He had just started kindergarten a few months ago. Jimmy was a good kid and the kind of student any teacher would love to have since he was always trying to learn new things. He always took his parents' advice to learn one new thing every day and today was no different from any other. Little Jimmy was quietly playing in the sand by himself when one of the bigger kids, the size of a fifth grader, stomped up and pushed him to the grou…

The Safari Jimmy was an 8-year-old boy who loved animals. He longed to go to a wildlife reserve and experience nature up-close-and-personal. His parents, eager to instill moral values, were delighted that this was the case instead of playing violent video games. So, on his ninth birthday, Jimmy was ecstatic to hear that his parents were taking him on a safari! On the day before he was due to leave, Jimmy had a playdate with his friends. When their parents came to pick them up, Jimmy's mother wan…

Little Jimmy wears a special helmet Little Jimmy comes home from school and asks his mom, ""Mommy, none of the other kids at school wear helmets. Why do *I* have to wear one?"" Jimmy's mother looked around thinking of a good answer. ""Well, Honey,"" she replied. ""You need to put on *extra* protection because accidents happen.."" Jimmy stared back at her for a second until he said, ""But how come Daddy doesn't have to wear a helmet? I hear you say that to him every other night!"" edit: formattin…

Jimmy sleeps with his teacher... Jimmy comes home from school, and announces to his mother, ""Guess what! I just slept with my teacher!"". Furious, his mother orders him to his room and tells him to wait until his father gets home. An hour later, Jimmy's father arrives. ""Go upstairs, your son has slept with his teacher!"" Jimmy's father goes upstairs, pats his son on the back, and says, ""Jimmy, I am proud of you. Let's go and get that bike you always wanted!"" So they go to the store and the d…

Three boys decide to sneak fruit on a farmer's property... Three boys, hungry, hot, and tired after a summer day of play decide to sneak onto a farmer's property to eat some fruit without him knowing. After they climb through the fence, the three boys split up to go eat their favorite fruits. From his house, the farmer sees the boys and becomes infuriated, seeing as they have done this countless times in the past. He rushes out of his house and finds the first boy eating cherries. Enraged, the f…

I once knew two ranchers named Jim.... They had a thousand cattle between them. One night while unwaken. Their cattle were taken. My Jimmy's were rustled, shagrin.

Little Jimmy was playing with a friend on the playground, when his friend asked him a question.... ""Do you know what purple passion is? I heard about it on TV and my mom won't answer me."" ""No."" replied Jimmy ""However, I can ask the teacher!"" and with that jimmy was off to ask his teacher. ""Mrs. Teacher, my friend asked me a question and I don't know the answer, would you happen to know the answer?"" Jimmy asked. ""I may, what is the question Jimmy?"" ""What is purple passion?"" When Jimmy…

Not so funny after all. Little Jimmy came home from school one day and walked into his parents bedroom, where he saw his mom and dad going at it. Without his mother seeing, Jimmy's dad gave his son a thumbs up and kept on going. The next day Jimmy's father comes home from work and walks into his son's room to see what he was up to. When he walked in he saw Jimmy had his grandmother tied to the bed and was doing unimaginable things to her..His father yelled ""JIMMY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"" Jimmy rep…

Glasgow Wedding Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. ""Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant,"" says Jimmy. ""Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night"". Archie nods approvingly. ""I've even bought a kilt to be married in!"" continues Jimmy. ""A kilt?"" exclaims Archie, ""That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that... What's the tartan?...."" ""O…

A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room... When she stumbles upon an S&M magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband. ""Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!"" The husband eyes the magazine and ponders. ""...Well we can't spank him.""

Butterfly A 5th grade student, Jimmy, was sitting in class. The teacher was asking all the students to name their favourite bug. Soon it was Jimmy's turn to say his favourite bug. Teacher: What's your favourite bug Jimmy? Jimmy: Butterfly's The teacher was furious at Jimmy. The teacher was so upset that he immediately sent Jimmy down to the office. Jimmy went to the office and sat down. At some point the principal came along and starting talking to Jimmy. Principal: What are you doing here Jimmy…

You want what? While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. ""Did you get that for your birthday?"" asked Little Johnny. ""Nope."" replied Jimmy. ""Well, did you get it for Christmas then?"". Again Jimmy says ""Nope."" ""You didn't steal it, did you?"" asks Little Johnny. ""No,"" said Jimmy. ""I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Little Johnny …

Aspirin Overdose Jane calls the doctor in a panic. ""Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"" The doctor asked Jane, ""Are you sure it was a dozen?"" The frantic mother says, ""Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"" The doctor tells the mother, ""Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"" Jane says ""No."" ""Is he sleeping?"" asks the doctor. ""No."" says Jimmy's mom. The doctor goes on with routine questions, ""Is his color funny?"" Again Jane says ""No."" ""…

While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. . . "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Little Johnny was extreme…

Guess what it is, Jimmy A little boy's first day in school and a teacher was going to play a "guessing" game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received. When it was the new boy, Jimmy's turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss and asked him, "Do you know what this is?" The boy replied, "No." The teacher said, "Go ahead and open it up and taste it." He does so and the teacher asked him, "Now do you know what it is?" Li…

A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room... When she stumbles upon an S&M magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband. "Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!" The husband eyes the magazine and ponders. "...Well we can't spank him."

Jimmy don't jack off, you'll go blind. Little Jimmy's dad walks into his son's room and says, "Jimmy don't jack off, you'll go blind." Little Jimmy: "Dad I'm over here, in the living room..."

Jimmy's big night Probably been told on here before but heres the version i heard. So Jimmy and his GF start talking and decide tonights the big night. Tonight he loses his virginity! So Jimmy heads to the local pharmacy to get his first condom. To look cool and get it over with asap he walks in and asks for the magnum XL's. The pharmacist gives him a funny look seeing as jimmy was clearly a crack baby and not a very big guy. So after a few minutes of help the pharmacist finds him something t…

The Shiny Watch of Jimmy Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. “Did you get that for your birthday?” – asked Johnny. “Nope.” – replied Jimmy. “Well, did you get it for Christmas then?” Again Jimmy said “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” – asked Johnny. “No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.” Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealou…

Jimmy's First Cow One fine morning on the family farm, Jimmy excitedly ran into the house with a glass of milk. He can't wait to show his father so he runs into the living room. He shouts "Hey dad! I just milked my first cow!" while proudly holding up the glass of milk and then chugging the entire thing. His dad stares at him horrified and says "But son... we don't have a cow, we have a bull"

Jimmy's mom visits his school one day. She meets Jimmy's teacher, and the teacher says he is the dumbest kid in the school. He scores the lowest in the class and is not interested in anything. His mother was so disappointed that she took Jimmy out of the school. 25 years later the teacher got very sick, and needed to be operated. She had a low chance of surviving the operation, but miraculously she survived, because of the doctors skills. Wanting to thank the doctor she asked to meet him …