Money Jokes

Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Espanol by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'.

Money doesn't grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.

I'm so poor I can't even pay for my own consequences.

Tim Burton could've saved a lot of money on 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and just shown a 2016 Facebook Year in Review instead.

You know it's not believable when six people rob a bank in a movie if you've ever tried to organize a dinner for six people.

Apparently, Indian banks will give you a loan only if you prove that you don't need it.

I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?

Money may not buy happiness, but pondering your problems on a tropical island would sure beat pondering them on your couch.

Does "You'll find love when you're not looking for it" apply to money too? Because let me be clear I am NOT looking for $10 million dollars.

It's actually a good thing money doesn't grow on trees because I've killed every plant I've ever owned.

My telethon to raise money for starving children in Africa was a huge flop. I didn't know the TV added 10 pounds. Those kids looked fine. :(

I totally get your eyebrows. My bank account is overdrawn, too.

I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.

I wanna work at a bank so I can get that employee discount on money

I know this place will prepare my taxes competently--they have a guy dressed as the Statue of Liberty waving at passersby. -no one ever

Top 5 things to ditch in 2017 5. Debt 4. People you don't like 3. Facebook 2. Drama 1. The bodies

How To Get Rich: 1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson. 2. Empty it the next day. 3. Become a millionaire.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate

just met a guy who's using an empty beef jerky bag as a wallet so don't worry you're probably doing just fine

I think I wasted my 15 minutes of fame trying to save money on car insurance.

Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.

Money is the root of all larger amounts of money.

I give it two months before Trump tries putting his face on our money.

I always have too much month left at the end of my money.

Loan shark: If you're late my guys will ... Me: Tell my gf my phone password? LS: Break every bone in your body M: Oh. Yeah that's fine