Obama Jokes

What does a baby diaper and Obama have in common? There both full of shit.

what did Obama say to Trump? show me your schlong form birth certificate

Trump gets elected president.. On inauguration day, he swears in as President. Before delivering his inauguration speech, he turns to Obama and says ""President Obama, You're Fired""

Obama wanted to set a new record for fastest lap around the White House. He ran as fast as he could and his final time was 9:23. He was dismayed to find out that he hadn't quite beaten the record because Bush did 9:11.

Who will win between Obama and Osama in chess? Osama, Obama is missing two towers.

What are the first few things Donald Trump will do as President * Turn the White House lawn into a expensive golf course for rent * Build a huge wall around the White House and make the visitors pay for it * Pass an executive action to cancel the 2008/2012 election alleging that Obama was not born in this country what else?

President Obama announces his intention to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court ""I can't wait until I'm in a position to have a real impact on the country!"" said an excited Obama.

Joe, Barrack, and Michele are out for dinner After a long day working at the White House, Obama decides to sit down for dinner with Biden and Michele. Even though he was aware of Biden's peanut allergy, Barrack decides to prank Biden by asking the White House chef to put peanuts in his food. When the food finally comes, Biden is furious. ""Barrack! I've told you many times that I am very allergic to peanuts."" Michelle steps in to defend her husband. ""Calm down Joe! Honest mistakes happen and h…

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden... The leader of china calls Obama and says: ""Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"" To which Obama said: ""Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbowl...how about you come back in a couple of years? Or better yet, call Russia!…

What if... Obama was secretly working for the government?

How did Obama react when he heard Donald Trump won for president? [*removed due to copyright infringement*]

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust A guns only weakness is Obama and rust.

President Obama to the Queen: ""Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"" ""Well,"" said the Queen, ""the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."" Obama frowned, and then asked, ""But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"" The Queen took a sip of champagne. ""Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch"" The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. ""Please s…

If Obama was in Mortal Kombat... He'd be called ""Baraka Obama""

What's it called when Obama and Paul Ryan meet up for dinner? A government mandate.

MLK had a dream... MLK had a dream. Obama had hope. Maybe the next one will have ability. Happy black people day. If you miss it don't worry you'll have all next month to hear it all again. Every day...for a month...

What does the secret service man say to the other secret service man when he has to go to the bathroom? Hold on I have to take Obama to the White house.

Since this is Obama's last year... He decides to throw a small private party and invites the candidates running for president this year. He invites Hillary Clinton, Jeff Bush and of course the smart and talented Donald Trump on his private jet party. They are the only people on the jet plane and are flying over the tropical islands. After about couple of hours of cruising, the pilot cries frantically, ""We seem to have a problem, the plane is going to crash due to some malfunction. We have only …

How many republicans does it take so screw in a light bulb? None, Obama's already screwed it for you. (Thanks, Obama)

The White House is putting on a play adaptation of Modern Family. When asked which character he wanted to be, Obama said ""Uhhh...let me be Claire.""

Some people were offended by Trump's remark that Hillary Clinton was ""schlonged"" by Obama during the 2008 Democratic primary! No this is the Donald's normal everyday shtump speech!

My friend said Obama is the coolest president ever... ... Nah, Zachary Taylor was the illest.

Obama had to phone Putin to arrange a meeting. They concluded they would meet over Christmas to arrange peaceful measures of retaliation in the current crisis. Worried about the food, Obama asked: ""What are you having for Christmas dinner, Putin?"" ""I think I'll have Turkey."" replied Putin.

Obama calls Putin and asks abut his Thanksgiving. Putin: Turkey is about to be cooked.

Obama calls Putin Obama: ""Hey! What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?"" Putin: ""Turkey""