Obama Jokes

Barrack Obama, Bernie Sanders, and Santa Claus are standing on a cliff, this cliff is overlooking an urban area in America. Obama and Sanders open their wallets, ready to help the people bellow, while Santa opens his sack. ""I want to make ten people happy"" Obama announces, as he throws $10,000 off of the cliff. Sanders replies: ""I will make one hundred people happy"", and he throws $100,000 off of the cliff. It is now Saint Nick's turn to play. Good old Santa Claus looks around at the people …

How did you feel when you found out Obama was half white and half black? Because I had mixed feelings.

Bush and Obama are standing together at the urinals... Bush and Obama are standing together at the urinals draining the ole lizards, when a curious Obama glances over at Bush' wanker: ""My God George W. That is the biggest pecker I've ever seen on a white man. How'd you come by it?"" ""Well Barry,"" answered Bush chuckling. ""Heheheh. That's a long story for it wasn't always as large as it is today. However I cannot reveal to you how I got it to such an enormous size for that is a closely held s…

Obama bans hiring bias against ex-cons seeking federal jobs He was quoted as says, ""well, we politicians need somewhere to work after leaving office"".

I recently bought myself the new Obama gun. It won't work and you can't fire it.

I ran into a racist Jamaican on Halloween, I went into a gas station wearing an Obama mask, he said no mosques allowed.

A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ""Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."" The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ""You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. "…

Bar joke Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says ""wow that's cool. Where did you get that?"" The parrot says Africa. .

Obama, The CIA, and Darpa walk into a bar... The End.

""I know everybody!"" Bob and Jeff are talking amongst themselves, when Bob says ""I know every single person in the world."" Jeff says ""That's not possible! There's no way you can know everybody in the world."" ""Okay,"" Bob replies with a smug look, ""I'll prove it. Let's go see my friend Bill Gates."" With that, they hop in a plane and fly to Medina, Washington and drive to Bill Gates' house. When they arrive at the front gate, a little screen activates and Bill's face shows up on the screen…

Ku Klux Klan leader gives an interview KKK leader: i stopped watching Fox News reporter: why? KKK leader: they lost all credibility ! reporter: could you be more specific? KKK leader: well, Obama is obviously not white and i heard they constantly denigrate him !

Putin, Angela Merkel and Obama stand ona a dock... Obama says ""The USA built a submarine that can dive for 1 week without needing to refuel."" Putin responds ""Our nuclear submarines can dive for a whole month!"" Suddenly a old submarine comes out of the water. The hatch opens, a Wehrmacht -soldier comes out and says ""Heil Hitler we need fuel""

Did you know Obama visited 17th century Italian artist/architect Bernini in a dream and told him to put ornate detail into his works? Bernini was later quoted as saying ""Thanks Barack, Now I'm Baroque.""

ObamaCare explained by a Chicago Plumber to Obama himself Chicago Plumber Only weeks after leaving office on January 20, 2017, former President Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Troy the Plumber to come out and fix it. Troy drives to President Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive, gated community near Chicago, where all the residents have a net income of way more than $250,000 per year. Troy arrives and takes his tools into the house. He is led to the g…

Osama is back Osama is somehow alive and decides to laugh a bit at the rest of the world. So he writes and sends a note to president Obama. On the other side of the world Obama gets called out of his conference. His assistant says in a quiet voice: ""Mr. president, sir, we have bad news... We have received a message from Osama Binladen! He is still alive!"" - ""What does it say?"" - ""370H55V 0773H"" Obama is clueless. So he sends this message to his secret service... They are clueless as well..…

Obama and Putin are fighting over a phone charger. You might even say they're in a power struggle.

So the Pope came to America and visited Obama and Hillary Clinton... If they don't walk into a bar, I say it was all for nothing.

Did you hear they are trucking tons of coal to Mt. Rushmore? There going to add Obama.

My friend Larry says he knows everyone... During President Obama's inauguration, Larry told me, ""You know, Obama and I are buddies."" said, ""Sure you are."" He said, ""No, really! Just turn on your TV tonight to the Inaugural Ball. You'll see me."" Sure enough, I turned on the TV that night, and there was Larry, talking to President Obama with his arm around the guy. Not long after, I was talking to Larry about how much I like Jennifer Lawrence. Larry said, ""Oh, she's a good friend of mine.""…

Obama throws a grenade at a terrorist..... The grenade explodes.... President Obama then proceeds to open his mouth then yells out ""You got O BOMB'aD son!""

Why did Obama and liberals decide to tax aspirin? Because it's white and it works

Why did Obama cross Pennsylvania Ave?

Obama and Jesus What's the difference between Obama and Jesus? Jesus could at least make a cabinet.

What did Obama say when he proposed to Michelle? ""I don't wanna be o-ba-ma self."" _________ (Not original)

Ollie and the pope Everyday ollie would brag about how he knew everyone in the world to his boss. Until one day his boss got fed up and said ""all right ollie you don't know tom cruise we're going to fly to holly wood knock on his door and see if he knows you!"". So they flew out to Hollywood found tom cruises house and knocked on his door. When Cruise answered the door he gave ollie a hug and exclaimed ""Hey ollie it's been a while since I've seen you"". Ollie's boss was dumb founded ""holy cra…