Obama Jokes

Obama, Michelle, and Oprah are on a plane together... .... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Michelle says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Oprah says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy! The pilot pops his head around the corner and says ""I can drop one plane and make a 155 million people happy"".

Local Call George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars,…

Obama won? That's it I am moving.... ..to USA!

Obama The Dark Knight (2008) The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Congratulations, Barack Obama.

Dave knows everyone there is to know.... Dave was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I'll know them."" Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"" ""No drama's boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, ""Dave! What's happening?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"" Alth…

No power. Mitt Romney : ""8 Million Americans still have no power."" Obama: ""8 Million and one.""

Obama wants another chance

Election 2012 Joke if (You.support(Romney)) { ""One of the idiot reporters on CNBC asks a banker if he is worried about the legal ramifications if Obama wins a second term. The banker laughs it off, because a large chunk of Obama's campaign contributions is from the bankers, so they have nothing to worry about."" } else if (You.support(Obama)) { ""One of the idiot reporters on CNBC asks a banker if he is worried about the legal ramifications if Romney wins. The banker laughs it off, because a la…

Obama has suspended fund raising activities In light of Mitt Romney's recent statements to the press, President Obama has decided to let Mitt Romney do his campaigning for him.

Back in the days when he was a community organizer, Obama went to a Halloween costume party. He was just wearing his street clothes, and he had his wife sitting on his shoulders. The host says to him, ""Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume!"" Obama replied, I am ... Read more...

Everyone's like ""I love Obama"" or ""I love Romney"" and I'm just over here like ""I love whiskey and beer""

If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now.

Obama supporters will party all night, especially since most of them don't work...

I'd like to know what Obama or Romney propose to do about YouTube buffering.

All I'm saying is that Miley Cyrus was on the Disney Channel and had her clothes on when Bush was president. Thanks, Obama.

Obama this, Bush that... How about if you're still unemployed after 3+ years you might just be a loser?

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, ""Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"" ""Well,"" said the Queen, ""the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."" Obama frowned, and then asked, ""But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"" The Queen took a sip of tea. ""Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."" The Queen pushed a button on her inte…

Sitting together on a train was Obama, George Bush Jr., a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him. The blonde girl thinks: Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled th…

You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start. The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno Q: What's the differ…

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ""Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."" The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ""You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."" S…

Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. ""Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, ""Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"" Although impress…

The Queens Riddle Barack Obama met with the Queen of Great Britain. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a b…

The old Priest In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?" said the Nurse. "I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the Priest. "I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the Nurse. The Nurse had the request sent to the President and Congress and all waited for a re…

The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request “Mr President, we need help. Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President explained. “My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Vladimir,” said Obama, “the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.” “We do need your help,” said Putin. “Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over?” “No problem, I’m on it,” sai…

Why was Putin late for dinner with Obama? Because he got Snowden.