Disney Jokes

I'm pretty sure that if Walt Disney watched Disney Channel today, he would cry.

How to make a Disney Pixar film: 1. Take something that doesn't talk 2. Make it talk

Disney couldn't handle my awesome script. Kylo Ren was Rey's father. Finn was her brother. Chewbacca was her cousin twice removed.

[hospital] "Did my dad make it, doctor?" Billy, your dad's in a better place now. [crying] "HE'S DEAD?" Haha no, he went to Disney World.

smh, I bought tickets to Disney on ice & it was just 2 hours of Donald Duck smoking crystal meth

Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney movie where the curse sounds amazing.

HEY DISNEY: If Cinderella's shoe fit so perfectly, why'd it fall off? Yeah, time to do some critical thinking.

You think Minnie Mouse ever got drunk & decided to bang Goofy after a Disney mixer? -Was the last time my boss asked me for my thoughts

"I saw mommy kissing santa claus" has the same number of syllables as "I saw someone die at Disney World." Life's funny like that.

Do you like long lines, mass transit and sweaty white people? Ask your doctor if a Disney trip is right for you.

Rejected Disney Movie Titles: 1) Find My Fish Son 2) A Shit Ton Of Spotted Dogs 3) Peter Pot 4) Pretty Lady & Big Foot Face 5) It's Cold

uber driver said he used to work at disney world and did acid all the time

4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend. Me: Aww! Sure! 4:You can be the Beast. Me: ... 4: Or the fat sea witch!

The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it's like excuse me, I'm working here.

Remember when Disney used to produce cartoons, not teen sluts?

Growing up on Disney movies has left me so disillusioned about small woodland creatures and their willingness to help me with my chores.

Kids claim to be such big fans of Mickey Mouse, but you don't see them with an icechest full of Capri Sun tailgating for Disney On Ice.

Snow White is my favorite Disney movie about a man trying to hook up with a woman who just wants to sleep.

Disney to remake Jungle Book as Jungle eReader.

"But what can we do for the people who love our crowds but hate the rides?" And with that question The Disney Cruise was born.

Disney owns Miramax, so the gimp from "Pulp Fiction" is technically a Disney Princess.

Odin is a king, Thor got his gender switched to a woman, Disney owns Marvel. So Thor is....A DISNEY PRINCESS KINDA!

Went to a public park and my 4yo was like, "Is this Disney World?!" The answer is yes and I'll cut anyone who tells her differently.

Honestly, after an hour of Disney Channel I don't give a shit about the future

The Disney Channel should be renamed 'Celebrity Prehab.'