"I saw mommy kissing santa claus" has the same number of syllables as "I saw someone die at Disney World." Life's funny like that.

Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead

It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life.

The miser's will A notorious miser died, and in his will he left his $3 million estate split evenly among his three sons: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer. Being selfish even in death, he left each of them strict instructions to put the money in his coffin when they buried him. After the funeral, the three were talking, and the doctor said ""I have a confession to make. I didn't actually put all the money in the coffin -- it seemed like such a waste. I kept out $200,000 to buy some new equipment…