Obama Jokes

Putin is really messing with Obama over this Ukraine thing. The last time a Russian beat a black guy this bad Apollo Creed died.

Obama Golf! (Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to Obama Golf . My name is Trina. How can I help you? (Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number. (Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help you. (Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls. (Recep…

I'm not saying... Putin is humiliating Obama, but the last time a Russian treated an African America like this, Apollo creed died.

Going on the Obama diet... Putin will eat my lunch everyday...

Obama calls Putin. Vladimir Vladimirovich however switched on his answering machine. When Obama called again he got the following pre-recorded message: - Hello. You have called the direct line of the president of Russia - Vladimir Putin. I am currently away from the phone and unable to take your call. If you want to surrender, please press 1 now. If you want to threaten me with sanctions, please press 2 now. If you want to discuss the current situation in Crimea, please press 3 now. Please note …

What did Obama say when he called the Russian Parliament? ""Are you Putin me on?""

What do you call the president when he is rolling down a snowy hill? An Obama-nable snowman

Obama said our ship has come in. We're just now realizing it was hardship.

Obama jokes for you! Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens? A: Undocumented democrats. Q: Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved? A: The Country! Q: What drink do you get with the McObama Happy Meal in Pakistan? A: No drink JUST ICE!

I have a new Obama joke, but... not many people approve.

Hollande, Putin and Merkel sit on a plane to visit Obama. They didn t get the permission to land so they arrive an hour late. Hollande steps out first shaking Obama s hand and saying ""I m sorry for being late."". Second Putin steps out of the plane greeting Obama and adding ""I m sorry for being late, too."". Last one leaving the plane is Merkel and she walks to Obama and says ""I m sorry for being late, three."" Heard this joke a few years back when it was still Bush and Sarcozy and thought it…

Discriminating Robot Bartender One upon a time, a guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender! The robot says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says, ""Whiskey."" The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, ""What's your IQ?"" The guy says, ""168."" The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious. So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, ""What will you have?"" The guy says, ""W…

Best Obama joke Ive heard in a while so Obama, Michelle Obama, and Oprah are in airforce one, Obama turns around and says ""I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window and make someone very happy"". Michelle Obama turns and says ""I could throw 10 $10,000 bills out the window and make 10 people really happy"". Oprah said ""Ill beat both of you, I can throw 100 $10,000 bills out the window and make 100 people really happy"". Then the pilot turns to them and says ""Yeah but i could crash this plan…

Yo momma so poor...[original] she vote for Obama cos she want change ahhh thank you ill be here all week

Why was Obama so disappointed when he went to a screening of The Men Who Stare At Goats Being a Muslim, he thought there would be more romance.

A fugitive in Russia The room was packed. Military officials, informants, and members of the cabinet surrounded the President, anxiously waiting for the situation's broadcasting to begin. A man walked into the room, his striped suit sleek but worn in that way that seems particular to those with stressful jobs. ""Mr. President, we've got good news, and bad news,"" he announced, steadily yet nervously stepping to his place at the front of the room. ""Walt, you know I, uhhh, value your opinion. You…

Obama in Berlin joke President Obama in Berlin outlining that maybe massive walls and state spying are not so bad after all.

Thought I'd try writing bad monologue jokes today. Like Jay Leno bad. Russia says it will begin patrolling with nuclear submarines again for the first time in 20 years. Nuclear subs that are 20 years old? I didn't know Russia had Subway. In Texas, a husband and wife are blaming one another for sending ricin-laced letters to public officials. As the saying goes, ""In sickness and in SHE DID IT!"" Mass anti-government protests continued in Turkey over the weekend. The last time there was this much…

Topical Jokes (5/23) Back again to deliver some fresh Thursday chuckles or smirks. Let's check what's in the news. First up, Kim Kardashian is now taking her final trip to Paris before giving birth. It is there she hopes to market a newly refined marbled brie made from her lactated tit squirts called ""Yeezy Cheezy"". Next, as if we hadn't heard enough about Anthony Weiner already. Weiner's NYC mayoral campaign has already brought up more worries of election scandal - like if he carefully stuffs…

Topical Jokes (5/19) Good evening, folks! It is once again time to relay the jokes. First up, if you're not following this story, you're missing out. The IRS scandal continues to get stickier. According to a White House insider, President Obama learned about the IRS scandal by watching TV news. As shocking as that may seem, it's not near as bad when you learn Biden only found out and understood the scandal once Obama reenacted what he saw on the news with sock puppets. Let's back off the heavy s…

Topical Jokes (5/20) Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started. Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit LaHood's claim that it only took him two strokes to clear the hole 17 bunker. Interesting story, the Dalai Lama recently gave a commencement speech in the US. It was at this University …

Topical Jokes (5/16) Another day has gone by. And, of course, we now have a new set of jokes. Some of these are weirder but let's begin! Inside int'l experts believe that Kim Jong Un may have two babies by two different women. In a quick response to the rumor, President Obama has appointed a new consul to North Korea, Ambassador Maury. More on the international front, David Beckham has announced his retirement. Beckham says he's going to take the time to wind down and chase his true passion, spi…

Obama Jokes The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penite…

Obama goes to hell Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. ""I'm not sure what to do."" says the Devil. ""You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go."" ""I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves!"" Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees…

President Obama is walking through the White House... ...when he passes former President Clinton. ""Bill!"" says Obama, ""what's going on? How is Hillary's head?"" ""Well,' says Bill, ""She's no Monica.""