David Beckham Jokes

David Beckham says he will retire at the end of this season, mainly because he ran out of ideas on how to do his next haircut.

Dear Coworker, If I'm nodding my head & smiling at everything you've said, this means I'm fantasizing about getting banged by David Beckham.

I got assigned an assignment where I am the maid of honor to a girl in my class I don't know. Any suggestions for a joke? I'm a boy. It's a public speaking class, I'm not very funny. I need a clean honest joke just for the assignment. She is marrying David Beckham (we had to pick celebs to marry).

What do you call a robber who looks like David Beckham? Bandit like Beckham

Have you heard about that new David Beckham film called ""Into The Unknown""? It's about his visit to a library.

Topical Jokes (5/16) Another day has gone by. And, of course, we now have a new set of jokes. Some of these are weirder but let's begin! Inside int'l experts believe that Kim Jong Un may have two babies by two different women. In a quick response to the rumor, President Obama has appointed a new consul to North Korea, Ambassador Maury. More on the international front, David Beckham has announced his retirement. Beckham says he's going to take the time to wind down and chase his true passion, spi…

A small boy has homework.. A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father: ""Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?"" His Dad thinks for a while and then says ""Right-o son......go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."" The boy trots off and comes back saying ""Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds."" ""OK son,"" says his dad. ""Now go and ask yo…

Q: What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? A: One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!

An Englishman and a Scotsman... An Englishman and a Scotsman are neighbours. The Scotsman has a hen which lays a beautiful egg every morning for him to eat on the porch. Every morning the Englishman watches how the Scotsman eats up his delicious-looking egg and starts getting envious. One morning, he gets lucky and the hen walks into his yard before laying the egg. The Scotsman sees him picking up the egg and says: ''What are you doing with my egg?'' The Englishman replies ''It's in my yard, so…

What do David Beckham and Ferrero Rocher chocolates have in common? They both come in a posh box

David Beckham was walking down a Los Angeles street with his son Brooklyn when he passed a fast food outlet with a sign outside saying, "Free Big Mac." David turned to Brooklyn and said: "I wonder what he did?"

Why is David Beckham like Ferrero Rocher? They both come in a posh box. Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public. Andrew Lawrence

Victoria and David Beckham were getting ready to attend a glittering awards ceremony when she turned to him and said: "This tampon. Does it make me look fat?" Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up. Frankie Boyle

David Beckham was flying out to the Beijing Olympics. A reporter asked him whether he was taking chopsticks. David replied: "No, she's staying at home with the kids."

Defending his wife, David Beckham said that Victoria is worth her weight in gold . . . which works out at around $7.50.

The England national soccer team were meeting ahead of a game in Germany. David Beckham asked the coach: "Where is Michael Owen?" The coach replied: "He's gone to get a tetanus injection." "Oh," said David. "I might just get a new car myself while I'm here." If you asked David Beckham to recite the alphabet backwards, he'd turn around and recite the alphabet. Frankie Boyle