Obama Jokes

Obama: Dave, it's Barack, we have an updog situation at the white house. Cameron: What's updog? *Obama high fives entire oval Office*

Ooh Johnny President Obama was visiting a primary school, and visited the 1st grade classes. The class was in the middle of a lesson on words and thier meaning. Obama ask if any of the kids could give the meaning of the word ""tragedy"". One lil boy stood up and said "" If my best freind was playing in the road and got hit by a car and killed that would be a tragedy."" Obama replied, ""No, that would be an acident"" So a little girl stood up and said ""If a bus carrying 50 students ran off a cli…

Topical Jokes for 10/27 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) In Portland, they held a competition to see who had the best beard and mustache. The winner was a complete loser. ...first prize in the beard contest was a record of band that broke up before they recorded a song, and an enormous jar filled with apathy. In Toronto, Rob Ford has lost his reelection bid. Ford's opponent won with the slogan, ""I am Not Rob Ford."" ...Rob Ford gave a tear-filled concession…

Obama announces his idea for air strikes against ISIS... Before publicly announcing it, he runs the idea past George W. Bush and Bill Clinton. Obama: ""I believe this will be exactly what we need to do to fight ISIS. It'll hit them right where it hurts. They'll never see it coming!"" Bush: ""Iraq sure didn't."" Clinton: ""Neither did she.""

Epilepsy epidemic [OC] A recent epidemic of epilepsy is spreading throughout the US. Obama decides to hire a known epilepsy expert sight unseen to head up a federal effort. Convening a panel the next week, a woman enters the room and sits down. Obama leans over to his aide sitting beside him ""Who is this person? I haven't seen her before."" The aide replies ""She's your seizure czar.""

Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, and Barack Obama walk into a liquor store. Tiger Woods brings his alcohol up to the counter, and the clerk asks him for ID. Tiger tells the clerk he doesn't have any, but can't she tell he's Tiger Woods? The clerk says sure but I have to have some definite proof. So Tiger goes out to his car, grabs a pitching wedge, and brings it into this store. Tiger precedes to hit a ball 20 feet into a cup without even knocking it over. Clerk says 'Alright take your alcohol.' Mic…

The corrupt politician When the prime minister of India came to meet Obama, he took him to his private residence. On gazing upon the opulence and luxury of Obama's home, the prime minister exclaimed ""Your salary isn't enough to afford this! How do you do it?"" Obama takes him to a window and says ""Do you see that bridge out there?"" The PM says ""Yes."" Obama pats his pocket and says ""10% mine"" Later on, Obama visits the Prime Minister in India and he is taken to his private residence. There…

Obama wakes up on a snowy morning at the White House and looks out the window ...to see someone has peed ""OBAMA SUCKS"" in the snow. He asks the secret service to investigate. They come back and say, ""sir we have bad news and worse news. The bad news is, Biden did it."" ""What's worse than that?!"" Says the president. ""Well sir, the worse news is, it was Michelle's handwriting.""

What were Julia Pierson's qualifications to run the Secret Service, other than the fact that she is fat, ugly and female? This broad could make big sis and Rosie O'Donnel look hot and feminine. Obama is bound to be running out of fat ugly feminists and dykes to fill all of the positions left by his inept appointments

Narendra modi & Obama were talking in a bar. A guy came in n asked them wats d discussion about??? Modi: v r planning to kill 14 crore pakistanis & sunny leone!! Guy: why Sunny Leone?? Suddenly Modi tells Obama: See I told u nobody would care about 14 crore pakistanis!!!!!!!

Obama is an obamanation. That is all.

The President's birthday A few days before his birthday, the Senate realizes they forgot to get the President a present for his birthday. They get together and someone remembers he's been talking about how he wants a new customized Presidential limo, and so they all pitch in to buy him a new one. But as they put in the order, one of the Republican senators sneakily puts in a special request for a custom paint job before anyone else realizes. It arrives the day before his birthday tightly shrink …

Tension between Katy Perry and Taylor Swift is heating up... ...and Obama is ordering air strikes on Syria, like that's gonna help. What an idiot.

Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders... ...the doorman says, ""Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?"" Obama says, ""I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back.""

Why can't Armenians drive? Because they're too busy swearing at obama! ba dum tss

10 years after Obama die Obama dies but after 10 years he gets bored and asks the god to let him go back to life and see how his people are doing. Now he is back to the life he enters a bar and orders some beer. Then he asks the bartender, ""How is the country doing?"" The bartender replies, ""Everything is fine, now we are the one empire covering all the world"" Obama asks suprised, ""The whole world?"" ""Yes, the whole world is one empire now"" This makes Obama happy, he finishes his beer and …

Obama frees a genie, but this is a cheap genie and he only grants him one wish. Obama furrows his brow in thought and finally comes up with the perfect single wish and starts: ""Now, let me be clear..."" <poof!> he turns into a window.

A guy walks in to a restroom..... and sees president Obama and president Putin at the urinal talking. The guy: what are you talking about? Obama: How we are going to start world war 3. Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant. The guy: why an it-consultant? Putin says to Obama. Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!

Forget the ""bomb dot com"" For today's political climate and lack of punctuation, try ""Obama dot comma""

Topical Jokes for 6/25 (For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host) John Boehner has filed a lawsuit against President Obama, claiming abuse of power. Obama wielded his incredible power later that day, when he begged Congress for permission to go to the bathroom. A study of the world's oldest feces, revealed that Neanderthals ate vegetables. But experts are saying the study is a load of crap. In Detroit, a 12-year-old boy who had been missing for a week, was disc…

No, he's higher up. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds. Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?' 'Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses; Mohammed…

No one told him Syria borders Iraq Why did Obama provide weapons to Al-Qaeda in Syria

Michelle takes Sasha and Malia on a trip to Paris for the week. Wanks Obama.

A Washington, DC flea goes to book a vacation with his travel agent because he's been cooped up in a K Street lobbyist's crotch for the past 8 months and he feels overworked. So his travel agent says, ""You won't believe the package I've got for you! Fifteen days in Obama's haircan you believe it? He's going to be at Camp David the whole time, it should be real nice and relaxing."" The flea says yes and heads out to Camp David. But two days later he comes back to his travel agent and says, ""Wel…

Obama's California Wildfire meeting A mathematician, a physicist, and Barack Obama are discussing the best ways to prevent forest fires in California when a fire breaks out in their room. They're locked inside and must find a solution. The mathematician quickly calculates the amount of water needed to extinguish the fire in the most efficient manner. The physicist quickly notices a fire extinguisher in the room. Barack Obama insisted to cut out the oxygen in the room because he learned that in H…