Clinton Jokes

Hillary: if we aren't careful donald trump could be our next president. Let that sink in Clinton Aide: *opens door* Sink: sorry i'm late

Clinton and Trump now enter the part of the election where they each have to spend a week looking after an egg with "America" written on it.

A Clinton is running for POTUS, a Jurassic Park movie dominated the summer box office, and they found a knife on OJ's property. It's 1994.

ME: I'm not voting for anyone CLINTON: that's a vote for Trump! TRUMP: that's a vote for Clinton! ME: looks like I'm voting twice then

Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you've got? Me: She sold the Saudis the jets that are massacring Yemenis Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you

My friends & I were taking shots every time Trump interrupted Clinton. My BFF Chad is dead :(

[phone rings] "Hello?" Hi, is your refrigerator running? "WTF?" ...well Hillary is! Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Clinton campaign.

Hey guys, remember that one time, when Clinton was president and gas was a like a $1 a gallon and people had money and jobs and shit?

"Everyone says they're voting for Clinton or Trump, but I'm voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus."

Read a magazine at the doctor's office so I'm all caught up on Clinton running for president. I don't think Bush can beat him.

Say Bubba, do you know.... *One of my favorite Bubba jokes* Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."" Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, ""Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend c…

A riddle for the day Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good ) ---------------------------------------------------------- The answer is: ""A Last Name."" Sorr…

What do Monica Lewinsky and the New York Giants have in common? They were both terrorized by Clinton Dix, Ha Ha.

Who is Monica Lewinsky's favorite football player? Clinton-Dix

A Democrat wakes up after being in a year-long coma... ...and immediately calls the doctor over to his hospital bed. ""Doctor, I need to know; who won the election? Was it Sanders? Clinton?"" The doctor shakes her head. ""Let me put it this way: there's good news and there's bad news."" ""What's the bad news?"" the Democrat asks. ""Donald Trump is the President-elect, and has appointed a climate change denier as the head of the EPA, a close friend of Vladimir Putin as Secretary of State, and a b…

If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President... Steve Harvey. ""I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"" *DEEP INHALE* ""***WRONG***""

What's wrong with 5 Clinton supporters driving a Cadillac off of a cliff? The car holds 6. (It also works for Trump supporters- try it!)

Clinton is MY president! His second term is about to end but I truly loved his presidency -Sent from internet explorer

What's the difference between Trump and Clinton? 62 Electoral Votes

What medical condition are Clinton supporters currently experiencing? Tendienitis

Trump did great, but... ...imagine how much he would have won by if Clinton hadn't rigged the election.

Woohoo! Donald Trump won the presidential election! As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican

How to get a date with a Clinton supporter today... Baby, want a tissue?

If Clinton wins the election... There'll be another Bush in the White House

Why did Hillary Clinton had her campaign chairman John Podesta send the crowd home from the Clinton HQ? She 'accidently' deleted the email with her consession speech.