Clinton Jokes

Johnson, Clinton, and Trump are lost at sea. Who wins the election? America.

If you were locked in a room with Trump and Clinton And it was just you, them, and a pistol with one bullet... Which one would you shoot and which would you bludgeon to death with the pistol?

If Clinton gets elected, federal employees will be LEGALLY allowed to consume cannabis! If you smoke, you have to say ""I did not inhale"" and if you do edibles, you have to say ""I did not swallow""

On the fifth day to election, the public gave to me... Five Gallup polls Four awful choices Three Trump Steaks Two more WikiLeaks And a cache of Clinton emails!

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country. If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country. This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

Bill Clinton and The Pope Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven. The next day the paperwork got worked out. On his way up to Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked t…

It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail... He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress. ""Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"" Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says ""How about a quickie?"" The waitress is appalled. ""Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."" …

I agree with Trump and Clinton, Neither one is qualified to be president.

If Clinton makes a good joke it'll be Hillaryous

I told a man I was voting third party He said, ""That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"" ""Simple,"" I replied, ""I'd pick the bullet.""

Why is Monica Lewinsky voting for Donald Trump? Because a Clinton left a very bad taste in her mouth.

If Trump wins I'm leaving the country if Clinton wins I'm leaving the country Not a political post, I'm just a pilot so I always travel

I'm not sure Hillary should be in Office... The last Clinton left a bad taste in people's mouths.

Due to the rise of suspicious clown activity, Party City has removed all associated costumes from its' shelves... ... Clinton and Trump are furious.

A Clinton presidency is like an iPhone 7. I really don't want an iPhone 7, but I'll probably end up with one anyway.

Clinton to Trump: Release your tax returns! I have never seen them. Trump: ...but I emailed them to you. Of course you've never seen them.

The reason why Clinton is a super secret agent of the alt right is because... She has a frog in her throat.

Walking Eagle On a recent trip Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in upstate New York. She spoke for almost an hour on her ideas and policies to help all Americans if she was to become president. At the conclusion of her speech, the tribes presented Hillary Clinton with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Hillary Clinton then departed with her entourage, waving to the crowd as she left. A news reporter later …

Clinton consults the past Hillary went for a walk one morning and came upon the Washington monument. She asked, ""George, what should I do?"" After a few seconds a ghostly voice replied, ""Abolish the IRS and start over."" She thought about this for a few seconds and continued her walk. Shortly afterwards she stepped up to the Jefferson Memorial and stopped to ask ""Tom, what should I do?"" After a few seconds Tom's disembodied voice replied, ""Abolish welfare and start over."" She thought about…

Clinton didn't faint due to heat exhaustion... ... she was just doing her steel beam impression.

What did Clinton tell the FBI? ""I did not have classified relations with that server!""

If Clinton is elected president... It will be the first time two presidents slept with each other...

Trump and Clinton both die in a plane crash. Who survives? America

Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump go to heaven. They are called before God's throne. ""Who are you, and what good did you do on earth?"", God asks Reagan. ""I am Ronald Reagan, oh Lord, and I won the Cold War"", Reagan answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my right."" He then turns to Clinton and asks him the same question. ""I am Bill Clinton, oh Lord, and I balanced the budget"", Clinton answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my left."" He then turns to…

Spercomputer was asked to find an alternative to Clinton and Trump to save presidential election. The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia. When he was asked: ""How could you be a better alternative? You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump?"", he answered: ""Well, maybe because I'm honest about it""