Johnson Jokes

[death row] Okay Johnson, it's time. Any last requests? Pardon me? I said it's time, any lastah I see what you did there, Johnson. Good one

Why are we not injecting ourselves with Magic Johnson blood?!

no no no today isnt CASUAL friday, its CAUSAL friday. evrythimg u do today has a effect. for example: johnson why r u wearing jeans ur fired

It's really too bad that Magic Johnson played in an era in which the hilarity of his nickname was so underappreciated.

Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.

An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already... Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. ""To the class of '55!"" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, ""To the class of '55!"" ""Where you from?"" asks the first man of the second after they both toast. ""I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."" ""You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"" The two men drink to their hometown. ""What high school did you go to?"" Ask the se…

Johnson is a janitor for a big international company. One day, as Johnson is sweeping the floors in the lobby of the main headquarters for the company, George Bush enters the building as he has a meeting with the CEO. He meets the CEO in the lobby but before entering the conference room, he greets Johnson, ""Heeey Johnson! Nice to see you buddy!"" After the meeting, the CEO approaches Johnson and asks ""Hey, how do you know mr Bush?"" ""Oh, we go golfing some times. He's a pretty nice guy"". The…

The Headmaster/Principle/Head teacher Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs and great relationships with all staff/pupils. Recently he had accepted a job at the most run down, violent yet biggest school in the area. It was full of underprivileged children who were taking their poor upbr…

Literal Sandwiches General James: Where's Johnson? Private Ham Sandwich: I'm not sure. Hey, do you know where Johnson is? Private Grilled Cheese Sandwich: Yes, the general told him to get him a sandwich General James: Yes, but both of you are right here. It is then that General James realized what had happened. General James: He must've went to get me a real sandwich. Captain Real Sandwich: But i'm right here sir. General James: Then by god where the hell is he? The End. Courtesy of my brother. …

The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry At the Post: They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot. At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson i…

You are just like Magic Johnson. But without the basketball skills or the height or actually being anything like him, you just have AIDS.

A man who was in the army for two years died. The general orders a soldier to inform Mrs. Johnson that her husband died. The soldier obeys and leaves. A few hours later the soldier returns to the general with a crate of beer, and tells the general he informed mrs. Johnson. ""Good job soldier,"" the general says ""but how did you get that crate of beer?"" The soldier responds, ""I knocked on her door and when a woman opened I asked: ""Is this widow Johnson?"" She responded with: ""I am misses Joh…

Johnson, Clinton, and Trump are lost at sea. Who wins the election? America.

A Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He starts the stop by asking the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer, in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his …

What did Masters say to Johnson? I don't know what the worlds coming to

Why American Names Are Like ""Jackson, Wilson, Markson..... Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davidson, Jemson, Johnson"" Because This Is The Easy Way For Mom To Remember Who Is Whose Son.

So me and my friend got a summer job... My friend and I got a summer job at a construction company. On our first day we were told to go to a nearby apartment building that was still under construction, to place some windows on the 28th floor. About an hour in, our colleague trips and suddenly falls out of the window. Dead as a doornail, the poor man. ""Oh no!"" said my friend, ""What now?"" ""I don't know, I guess we'll have to tell his wife about his death."" ""Well, I know for sure that I woul…

Tired of your job? Try this... On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure to get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, close the blinds and take the phone off the hook so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken…

Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. ""Feel the Johnson""

When you have an ""I hate my job"" day, try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not …

""Mommy mommy in school the kids call me shampoo"" ""Come on Johnson no more tears""

I can't find a reason to vote for the (D) or (R) candidate for President, and now Libertarian Gary Johnson's campaign slogan, 'Feel the Johnson' just rubs me the wrong way.

What song did Taylor Swift write about Magic Johnson? Bad Blood.

Things I trust more than Trump 1.Flint, Michigan water 2.Bill Cosby drinks 3.Elevator rides with Ray Rice 4.Donated blood from Magic Johnson 5.Casey Anthony with my kid

Magic Johnson own everything, movies, gyms, restaurants, sports teams! What kind of aids he got? Financial aids?!?!