Michigan Jokes

Three women walk into a doctors office... (x-post from r/funny) ...So the doctor calls in the first one in for her exam. she takes off her shirt and has a big H tattooed on her chest. The doctor asks why there is an H on her chest to which she says: ""My husband went to Harvard and he likes to see the H when we do it."" The doctor finishes his exam and sends her on her way. The doctor calls the second one in. When she takes off her shirt, the doctor notices a big Y on her chest. When the doctor …

So a rich lawyer from New York is duck hunting in Michigan and he hits a duck and it falls in a nearby farmer's field. He walks into the field to retrieve his his duck. The farmer walks up and says ""You're on my propriety get off!"" The lawyer replies ""Well I shot my duck and it landed in your field if you stop me I'll take your ass to court and sue you for all you got!"" To which the farmer say calmly ""Now, now you city-slicker, in Michigan we have a solution to settle these small disputes."…

There's a guy out hunting and he shoots a duck. The DNR warden comes out of the woods and says, whachu got there? Got a duck, got a duck? He sticks his finger up the ducks butt, nods his head and says, thats a Wisconsin duck, you got a Wisconsin hunting license? The guy pulls out his wallet and shows him a Wisconsin hunting license. The next day, the same guy shoots another duck and the DNR warden comes out again. Says, Got a duck, got a duck? He sticks his finger up the ducks butt, nods his hea…

It's so cold in Michigan right now. The politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup, and as she takes off her blouse, he notices a red ""H"" on her chest. ""How did you get that mark on your chest?"" asks the doctor. ""Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,"" she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ""Y"" on her chest. ""How did you get that mark on your chest?…

This computer can answer any question! The computer salesman was trying to convince the CEO to buy the horribly expensive mainframe. ""It can answer *any* question! Just try it!"" The CEO thinks a minute, and asks ""OK, what's my father doing right now?"" The computer grinds away for awhile, and answers ""Your father is fishing in Michigan."" The CEO chortles to the salesman ""Wrong! My father died five years ago!"" The computer answers ""Your mothers husband died five years ago. Your father jus…

A guy from Michigan dies and wake up in Hell. ""At least I'm still in Michigan.""

Two guys from Michigan wake up in Hell....... ...and they go about there day, and live there daily lives as citizens of Hell, Michigan.

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, ""What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"" The two guys reply, ""Well, you know, we're from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know."" The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The…

Michigan and Ohio fought a war over Toledo... Michigan won and Ohio has to keep it.

Things I trust more than Trump 1.Flint, Michigan water 2.Bill Cosby drinks 3.Elevator rides with Ray Rice 4.Donated blood from Magic Johnson 5.Casey Anthony with my kid

Can Bernie Sanders recover? From his devastating win in Michigan?

What are the differences and similarities of flint michigan and the walking dead universe? They are both post apocalyptic but only one produces brand new cars.

I set my Tinder to Flint, Michigan. Its been fun! The chicks are so thirsty.

Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan I heard the girls are hella thirsty

I set my Tinder location to Flint, Michigan. Those girls are probably hella thirsty...

The Mayor of Flint, Michigan will be fired. Who will lead the city then?

Clue in Michigan is cheaper, because it only has three pieces Governor Snyder, Flint, and the Lead Pipe

Gas dropped to 77 cents a gallon in some places in Michigan. But don't bother, it was leaded.

What do you call a Pediatrist speeding in Michigan Lead foot

girl you're like the water in flint, michigan you quench my thirst but i know you'll slowly kill me

Michigan is the First State to Welcome Back Sub-$1 Gas Just flip on your water faucet and you'll get it for free

There is a farmers convention in Michigan... One guy's walking around in a big stetson hat, cowboy boots, giant belt buckle, all the markings of a Texan. He walks up to one of the Michigan farmers and asks, ""how many acres you got?"" The farmer, rather proud of his large land, replies ""I got about 1200 acres."" ""Ha,"" the Texan replies, ""I tell you what, I get up at dawn and set out in my truck at daybreak and head straight west. By the time the sun goes down I still haven't reached the end …

A trucker is driving and comes to a red light.. As he stops, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says ""Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."" The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've nev…

In Michigan As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says ""Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."" The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the…