Anthony Jokes

"i'd do anthony for you" - worst autocorrect fail by me

"And the guy's name was Anthony WEINER? Come on" - high school AP U.S. history student, 2046

No matter how many times I see it, I never tire of an Italian woman yelling at a guy named Anthony in public.

So the FBI is reopening their investigation due to emails found on computers at Anthony Weiner's house. If these emails bring Hillary down, it'll be the first time she's been screwed by a Weiner in years.

A man visits his doctor and asks him a question.. ..He says, ""Doc is it true that the patterns of everyones ass hole is different and therefore can be used to distinguish people like fingerprints?"" The doctor said, ""well, let's take a look -- well Anthony you are certainly correct."" ""Wow you got my name from looking at my ass print?!"" ""No i got your name from the clip board""

A knock-knock joke for identical twins Knock Knock Who's there? Who's. Who's who? I'm Andrew and that's Anthony.

Things I trust more than Trump 1.Flint, Michigan water 2.Bill Cosby drinks 3.Elevator rides with Ray Rice 4.Donated blood from Magic Johnson 5.Casey Anthony with my kid

Granted. A plane crashed in a deserted island. All but 3 friends died. They walked around the island and stumbled upon a magic lamp. They rubbed it and a genie appear and grants them 1 wish each. John wished, ""I wish I was in a castle with lots of food"". ""Granted"", says the Genie. And poof! John disappeared and went to a castle. Anthony wished to be home with his family. ""Granted"", says the Genie. And poof! Anthony disappeared and the next thing he know, he's with his family. Now the last …

where are opie and anthony from? ethiopia

My mom was the worst at having to break bad news to me. I remember i came home from school one day and she said, ""Anthony, i don't know how to tell you this, but I've been having an affair, and you can't tell dad. I said, ""well why not?"" She said, ""Because he just passed away. - Anthony Jeselnik

Two guys go to a nightclub in the 19th century. They're friends with the owner. The owner has a kid named Tony, who no one has seen for weeks. The first, Jacob, goes off to have a drink, and the other, John, flirts with girls. John sees a hot chick, and hits on her for a while. A few minutes later, John walks back to Jacob. ""Dude, I just met the hottest chick ever! I think she said her name was Susan or something."" Jacob takes one look at Susan, grabs John, and throws him into their carriage. …

So a TV repair man is called to fix Anthony Kiedis's TV! The guys spends all day working on the problem and the cables are just a mess and many connectors are damaged too, just tangles everywhere! After many hours he returns back to his boss who asks ""How did it go at Anthony Kiedis's house, was it a big job?"" The worker replies, ""It was terrible, you would have flipped your shit, tangled wires and *SCART issues that I wish you saw!*""

A priest dies... And goes to heaven. There's a small queue to get in, and when he gets to be second in line, he overhears St. Peter asking some basic questions to the man in front of him, like what's your name/ occupation, and where are you from? They guy in front of the priest is wearing tight fitting, torn black clothing, has greasy slicked back hair and a overall punky attitude. He responds is a thick, NY accent, "" Yo yo my name is Joe. I'm a taxi cab driver from New York."" St. Peter finds …

A one liner I thought up while watching Anthony Bourdain's new show... ""I've seen more crazy shit than Anthony Bourdain's ass hole.""

My friend Susan identifies as a man and changed his name yesterday. Susan be Anthony.

Anthony arrived home from work one day only to find his wife totally stressed out because their kids had been running wild all day...

So the FBI is reopening their investigation due to emails found on computers at Anthony Weiner's house. If these emails bring Hillary down

Did you hear the one about the mother who called all her 10 sons Anthony?,"When someone told her that it's a complication she replied, ""No it's not. It simplifies my life."" ""How so?"" she was asked. ""Simple"" she replied ""When dinner's ready I just call Anthony and all of them come."" ""But what do you do if you want to call the attention of one in particular?"" ""I call him by his last name.""

Did you hear the one about the mother who called all her 10 sons Anthony? When someone told her that it's a complication she replied, "No it's not. It simplifies my life." "How so?" she was asked. "Simple" she replied, "When dinner's ready I just call Anthony and all of them come." "But what do you do if you want to call the attention of one in particular?" "I call him by his last name."

What is Anthony Weiner's favorite type of mail? Junk mail

"Boy, I'm scared," Anthony said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say." "You like her that much?" the friend asks. "It's not that," declared Anthony. "He didn't sign his name!"