Hillary Jokes

OK I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS WHOLE HILLARY EMAILS THING. TURNS OUT THEYRE LIKE A FAST KIND OF MAIL THAT GOES IN THE COMPUTER.

I feel like Trump and Hillary are two divorced parents fighting over custody of us but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.

News: Hillary won the debate! My friends: Bernie won the debate! Trump: I won the debate! Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!

If I were Hillary, I'd ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady.

I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president.

Dr: you have pneumonia Hillary: what's pneumonia Me: *fighting off secret service* not much monia what's pneu with you

Donald Trump calls on Hillary to shut down her foundation. Meanwhile, we're all still begging him to choose a more natural color for his.

Future Headline: "Trump Caught On Tape Eating Newborn Babies, Hillary Caught Using Friend's Netflix Password Undecideds Still On The Fence"

REPUBLICANS: I can't believe Trump won. DEMOCRATS: I can't believe Hillary lost. ME: I can't believe it's not butter!

[phone rings] "Hello?" Hi, is your refrigerator running? "WTF?" ...well Hillary is! Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Clinton campaign.

[final debate] TRUMP: I'd like to apologize to hillary MODERATOR: umm ok HILLARY: umm ok TRUMP: I brought a gift *hands her a galaxy note 7*

Israel is like STOP TOUCHING ME and Palestine is like YOU'RE TOUCHING ME and Hillary is like I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER.

TRUMP: Hillary won't stand up to America's enemies. I will. *Gets into fights with Miss Universe, Gold Star family, and a baby*

HILLARY: donald-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: ...trump-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: [smiling serenely] ...is good TRUMP: --wrong. nno wait. nno. no, no

"Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night

I'm totally fine with everyone leaving the country if Trump wins or if Hillary wins. I need more space

If Hillary wins in 2016, it's gonna be a huge year for shoulder pads

People who argue Hillary is crooked; boy have I got news for you on the rest of the government

Hmm ok Trump may have said another horrible thing but let's not forget Hillary once texted a friend "Omw!" while she was still in the shower

TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update

Fox News: Trump looks strong! CNN: Hillary should get the win! MSNBC: If you put a buncha hot dogs in a hamburger bun, is that a sandwich???

BERNIE: all people deserve to be treated equally HILLARY: the oposite of "bernie sanders" is "soakey waterers" BERNIE: ... HILLARY: pls fav/rt

If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game.

Bill Clinton is so getting laid tonight. Hillary is in Indonesia.

Yesterday Bill Clinton called Hillary, "the ablest person I've ever worked with." Well, I can see why he's a hit with the ladies.