Hillary Jokes

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. First, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently. The agent said, ""Mr President, it was a request from the home team""everybody from the owner down to the bat boy."" (What really gets Bill going is when the agent tells him the …

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."" God thinks for a second and says ""Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."" God then addresses Bill. ""Bill, what do you believe in?"" Bill replies, ""I belie…

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and Whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares At the guy, looks at Hillary, looks Back at the agent, and shakes his head ""no."" The agent then says, ""Mr. President, it was a Unanimous request of the entire Team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."" Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when The agent…

""Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern."" - Craig Kilborn ""In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts."" - Jay Leno ""In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair,…

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and la…

The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention saluted and said ""Nice pigs sir"". The president replied ""These are not pigs these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."" The Marine again snapped to attention saluted and replied ""Nice trade sir.""

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al chuckles and says ""You know I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."" Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says ""Well I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."" Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says ""I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."" Chelsea rolls her eyes looks at all…

During a recent publicity outing Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room peering into a crystal ball the mystic delivered grave news. ""There's no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."" Visibly shaken Hillary stared at the woman's lined face then at the single flickering candle then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herse…

Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely? A: Because if something happens to her Bill becomes President!

Q: What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in? A: Handcuffs.

Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble? A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.

Q: How can you tell that the guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane? A: He seems to have thought Clinton would be in his own bedroom at night. Q: What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke? A: ""You idiot! I told you to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home!

Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!

Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument who'd land first? A: Who cares!

Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone? A: He turned into Hillary!

President Clinton returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway he is met by the guard a Marine sergeant who issues a crisp salute. ""I'd salute you back Sergeant"" says the President ""but as you can see I've got my hands full."" ""Yes sir"" replies the sergeant. ""Very nice pigs sir. Very nice pigs."" ""Why these aren't pigs"" the President responds. ""T…

Last summer the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos and went on their way. As they were driving on to their destination Bill put his arm around Hillary and said ""Well honey if you had stayed with him you would be the wife of a service station owner today."" She smirked …

Bill Clinton Hillary Ramrod Clinton Al Gore and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans. Bill: ""Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."" Hillary: ""Well why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."" Al: ""Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."" Tipper: ""Why don't we all jump out the …

Bill and the Genie Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama's new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michele would go absolutely ballistic. Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant yo…

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world... After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth." "And what is your question, Kenneth?" "I have three questions: First - whatever happened in Benghazi? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And, Third -whatever happened to the missing 6 billion dollars while you were Secretary of St…

The Pope and Hillary Clinton The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice." Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show …

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash. A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes. The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, "I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. The 3rd passenger, Hillary…

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter on the Whitehouse lawn, carrying two pigs. A marine is there to greet him and says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton replies, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine says, "Nice trade, sir!"

A new study has found that Donald Trump supporters make the most grammatical errors. They tried to find Hillary supporters errors as well, but they got deleted.