Kermit Jokes

Real frogs call him Kermit The Fraud.

[Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] "He was literally kermit the frog"

It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name

Home Loan Troubles So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring ""Paddywhack"". Kermit says ""I want a loan"". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit. He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says ""Here's my deposit, give me a loan"". The teller replies ""I'm sorry that's really not good enou…

What's green and goes red at a flick of a switch. Kermit in a blender.

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.

What's green and smells like ham? Kermit the frog's finger

Why did Kermit break up with Miss Piggy? He wasn't ready for a Kermitment.

A Frog Went to a Bank A frog wanted a bigger lily pad so he went to the bank to get a loan. He brought with him little statues of famous frogs throughout history (Kermit, Hypnotoad, etc.) that he had made. He stepped to the first open teller, whose name was Patty Black. ""I want a bigger lily pad and I need a loan to make that happen,"" said the frog. ""Do you have any collateral?"" ""I have these statues that I made by hand."" ""Hmm, I don't know,"" said Patty. ""I'm going to have to check with…

What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers...

[NSFW] What's green, and smells like pork? Kermit the Frog's finger.

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan. He meets the loan officer whose name is Mr. Paddywack. Paddywack says what can I do for you Kermit? Kermit says I'd like to get a loan for $20,000. Well that's a lot of money Kermit. What kind of collateral do you have asks Paddywack. Kermit tells him I have a grey ceramic elephant. Paddywack says that's a little unusual. But you're a big star and all. I'll go and ask the bank manager. So Paddywack goes into the manager's office and says Kermi…

What's long green and smells like pork scratchings? Kermit the frogs finger.

What's green and furry and smells like pig? Kermit the Frog's finger

A frog wants a loan from the bank A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack. ""Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."" Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. ""Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."" Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. ""Sure, how about this,"" said Kermit as he produces a tiny porcelain elep…

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche? Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

[NSFW] Gonzo turns to Kermit and says ""It's getting late, want to go eat out somewhere?"" Kermit looks at Missy Piggy and says ""I'm having pork tonight.""

Kermit the frog walks into a bank... ...and walks up to the teller. Reading her name tag he greets her. ""Hello Patty I would like to take out a loan."" ""Uhh you cant take out a loan!?"" ""Well why not?"" ""We don't give frogs loans."" ""But my dad is Mick Jagger!"" ""That doesn't matter, we just don't give frogs loans."" ""I have collateral though."" ""You have collateral?"" Kermit reaches into his jacket pocket,pulls out a small elephant figurine, and hands it to Patty. Annoyed and slightly f…

What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common? They both like to pork.

Did I miss something? Kermit has a new gf and Miss Piggy is seeing David Cameron?

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

I eat so much bacon my friends gave me a nickname... Kermit the frog.

What's green, fuzzy, and stinks of pork? Kermit the frog's finger

So a frog walks into a bank and hops up on the counter and much to the surprise of the teller, Patty, the frog speaks and says ""Good morning Miss Whack, I would like a 10,000 dollar loan to take a vacation and get away"". Obviously surprised by the talking frog she stumbles out ""Well I'd be happy to process the loan request for you, but do you have an account with us? What name would it be under?"" ""Well I don't have an account per say..."" he replies. ""But I know the manager. Tell him Kermi…

Miss Piggy was arrested for smoking weed. When the cops asked her what she was thinking she replied, ""Kermit said he wanted baked ham for Christmas.""