Sanders Jokes

2016: Sanders wins presidency 2017: Marijuana legalized in all 50 states 20$x: lol what were we talking about

Things I learned from media: Sanders has won a bunch of states but must drop out Rubio shows he's a contender by losing nearly everywhere

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders? Earning Sanders.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and a young girl all board a small plane... Midway through the flight, the pilot has a stroke and the plane starts to go down. There are only three parachutes on board and the four passengers quickly discuss who of them will take them. Immediately the Donald says, ""I'm the first human orange to be nominated for president, I should be given the chance to live!"" He quickly grabs the first chute, slings it on his back, and hops out of the plane. Befo…

Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders? Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name ""Sanders"".

Bathroom Confession The Benghazi hearings and Emailgate scandal in full thrust, the trial atmosphere had taken on a decidedly severe tone. Exhausted, Hillary asked for a short break to run to the loo. Once inside, she was approached by a female investigative reporter. ""Thats a tough crowd out there"", she said, attempting to cozy up to the beleaguered candidate. ""Listen, I have the inside line on an issue the new wave feminazis are aching to get at. They say it will give you the boost you need…

I gave $20 to Sanders today, I don't care what any of you say. I got The Colonel's $20 Fill Up. It has 8 pieces of Original Recipe chicken, large cole slaw, 4 biscuits and 2 large mashed potatoes and gravy. It left my family and I satisfied.

People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but... i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come

A bird just landed on Bernie Sanders' podium during a speech It's a shame it was just a bird and not 800 delegates

Why is Bernie Sanders' campaign like Jon Snow? (Game of Thrones spoilers) They're both ""dead.""

Hillary Clinton came out with a new campaign slogan in response to Sanders' ""Feel the Bern"" Its called ""Feel the Clit""

Sanders supporters are like... that kid in class that gets Fs and Ds the whole semester and then says ""If I get a 100 on the final I can still get a C""

Sanders is blaming Trump for violence at his rally... because you can't truly be a National Socialist until you can excuse your brownshirts violence.

What if the Super Tuesday results were actual soups? Alabama 53 delegates The Democrats here elevated a classic cream of mushroom, picking mostly Hen of the Woods while the overwhelming majority of Republicans here insisted on drinking the Kool-Aid, even though the beverage is technically not a soup in any way. Arkansas 32 delegates The Republicans were presented with a fountain of hot spring water, in which a small ham was placed. They were very proud of their ingenuity. A consome of edamame …

A dyslexic Sanders supporter was kicked out of the botanical gardens He kept trying to peel the ferns.

Trump, Clinton and Sanders were all captured by terrorists They were set to be executed one by one by a firing squad but they thought of a plan on how to escape. First to be executed was Sanders, Sanders shouted ""Hailstorm!!"" While the terrorists were panicking, Sanders escaped. Next was Clinton, Clinton shouted ""Tornado!!"" While the terrorists were panicking, Clinton escaped. The last was Trump, Trump shouted ""Fire!!"" The terrorists followed and shot Donald Trump.

How many Sanders supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, they can't change anything.

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar. The bartender looks over and says ""Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"" Bernie replies ""Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!""

Hillary, fighting to be the first woman President, leads Sanders in the South Carolina Democratic Presidential Primary - Clinton 61%, Sanders 31% As Senator Lindsay Graham put it: ""South Carolina is Bush country."" I know, it's terrible.

Which is Bernie Sanders' dominant hand? His left one

What do you call a politician in a house fire? Burning Sanders!

TIL: Colonel Sanders had a younger brother who was a plumber. Urinal Sanders

Bernie Sanders walks into a college bar on Friday Night.... One of his aides turns off the music, another calls for the attention of the young crowd. Bernie nervously coughs for 3 or so minutes, fumbling with his notes. He licks his lips and begins to speak about alcohol inequality, and the alcohol rich and the alcohol 99%. One of the kids waaaaay in the back speaks up quickly. >Mr. Sanders are you going to buy us all a drink now? The crowd laughs. Bernie squints at the Kid and licks his lips…

Trump, Hillary and Sanders walk into a bar... Hillary: ""This rhetoric has gotten out of control. I want to make peace. First round's on me. Vodka sodas all around!"" They have a good time and finish their drinks. Bernie's up next. ""I'd like to buy a round but there's nothing Kosher here."" Trump, ""My bad.""

So what's Robin Hood up to these days? He changed his name to 'Bernie Sanders' and is now running for president.