Sanders Jokes

Barrack Obama, Bernie Sanders, and Santa Claus are standing on a cliff, this cliff is overlooking an urban area in America. Obama and Sanders open their wallets, ready to help the people bellow, while Santa opens his sack. ""I want to make ten people happy"" Obama announces, as he throws $10,000 off of the cliff. Sanders replies: ""I will make one hundred people happy"", and he throws $100,000 off of the cliff. It is now Saint Nick's turn to play. Good old Santa Claus looks around at the people …

A Canadian attended a Sanders political rally. He blended in completely with all the Americans gathered. How did everyone around him know that he was Canadian? He kept chanting Feel the Bern-eh, Feel the Bern-eh.

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton walk into a plane............... Ouch...

Bush, Trump, Sanders and Clinton are all on a plane and the pilot is Biden. Suddenly Biden has a heart attack and the plane is losing altitude. Their only option is to evacuate, but there are only three parachutes. Bush yells, ""I'm Jeb Bush! I havent bomb Iraq yet! I cant let my bro and dad laugh at me!"" He took the first parachute and jumped. Trump runs screaming, ""I havent dated my daughter and watch her playboy debut, I cant die here!"" He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. Clinton p…

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash. A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes. The first passenger yells, ""I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't afford to die."" he took the first parachute and jumped. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, ""I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. The 3rd passenger…

What does Hillary Clinton have in common with a factory-grown chicken? They're both getting beaten by the name of Sanders.

The chicken and the road of doom Why did the chicken cross the road? i don't know kernel sanders got him. R.i.p. lil' chicken

Either way, the results are not good The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.' 'Mrs. Sanders, please.' 'Speaking.' 'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.' 'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. 'Well, one of t…

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash. A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes. The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, "I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. The 3rd passenger, Hillary…

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together... and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win. "I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump. Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"

Running for president It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race and the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Obama comes up with an idea: A Literal Presidential Race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes about …

A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed. The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'? The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics? The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals? The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?

What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called? Hindsight is 2020

A Trump supporter a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class... "Who's a Trump fan?" Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny. "And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different. "Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied. "And why are you a Sanders fan?" "Because mommy and daddy are" "And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked "A Trump fan"

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?","Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas making it them simply ""food for thought"" but not actual thoughts for imple…

If you're a Sanders supporter at a Trump rally, what protocols do you need to follow?","The Protocols of Zion apparently.

What is Bernie Sanders' LEAST favorite band? SWV (sisters with voices)

If Sanders win the nomination, won't that make him mainstream? There goes the hipster vote.

Who did Alaska vote for? Berrrnie Sanders H/T: wife

If you're a Sanders supporter at a Trump rally, what protocols do you need to follow? The Protocols of Zion, apparently.

What do Trump and Sanders have in common? They both have an equal chance of winning the Democratic nomination.

Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie? Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.

How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans? They all dress like Dobby.