Hillary Jokes

I kinda want Hillary to win the US election Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.

Whether Trump or Hillary becomes president, I won't be living in the USA afterwards From someone currently living in Europe with no plans of leaving because of being a student.

KFC has a new Hillary meal Its comes with two big thighs, two small breasts, and one left wing.

I keep hearing Americans say if Trump winds they're leaving the country or if Hillary wins they're leaving the country All I'm saying is if you loved travel so much you may have had better political candidates.

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. Bernie leans towards Hillary and said, ""Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, i can make this crowd go absolutely wild with joy? The will not just be a momentary joy, this joy will be huge and they will forever speak of this day as the day that we made America work for everyone!"" Hillary replied, ""I seriously doubt that! with one little wave of your hand ... show me!"" So Bernie Sanders backhand sla…

A political joke for Americans I'm voting for hillary

The 2016 presidential campaign comes to an end. The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: A literal presidential race. The candidates would run a lap around the white house. The best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes 24 minutes. Trump goes next and posts a time …

Donald Trump has written a lot of books about business... They all end at chapter 11. Nice one Hillary!!

Choosing between Hillary and Trump is like having to fart really bad while sitting between Scarlett Johansson and The Pope. I don't know which way to lean.

The 2016 Election The election was in such shambles that none of the US citizens were voting, there was a nation wide boycott of the election. Since no one was voting there had to be a way to decide who the next president was going to be. It was agreed that a foot race around The Whitehouse would determine the next president. The top three candidates were to race around The Whitehouse. Up first was Bernie Sanders. Being old and not used to exercising he struggled to get around, but finally poste…

Voting for the president ... At the day of election, no one showed up as they didn't see any good future for the great 'Murica. And as all the politicians stood baffled, Obama stepped in and made everyone agree to make a literal presidential race. The contest was to see who could get around the white house the fastest. Bernie started it out, but due to his age, he wasn't able to get a faster time than 27:05. Trump went second, being the great American he was, he got the time 14:56, which was qui…

President Obama states he stands with Hillary. ""So do I."" Bill states sadly under his breath.

Hillary should make Bernie the ambassador to Japan. His knowledge of harpooning whales will definitely help bridge the cultural divide.

Hillary sucks But not like Monica

Need the best Hillary I need the best Hillary Clinton joke there is. The worst the better. I need to tell my history teacher. Shes a Hillary supporter. Dirtier the better

HAHAHAHAHAHAH donald trump and hillary are stranded on a boat, and it sinks, so who survives? AMERICA

get the butter out hillary is toast!

You're in the middle of the ocean and you see Trump and Hillary drowning but you only have room in your boat to save one. Who do you save? America. Keep right on going and don't stop.

Hillary and Bernie are on a boat Hillary and Bernie Sanders are on a boat. It's sinking. Who survives? America survives

How Many Hillary Supporters Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? Why NONE of course, they prefer to remain in the dark!

Late Night Political Jokes ""Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'"" Jimmy Fallon ""They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'"" David Letterman ""Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote."" Seth Meyers

Parking spot Today I had to go to Lowe's. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a female driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, ""I'm not handicapped!"" Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! ""Oh, I'm sorry,"" I said. ""I saw your 'I'm Ready for Hillary' bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder."" She gave me the …

Bathroom Confession The Benghazi hearings and Emailgate scandal in full thrust, the trial atmosphere had taken on a decidedly severe tone. Exhausted, Hillary asked for a short break to run to the loo. Once inside, she was approached by a female investigative reporter. ""Thats a tough crowd out there"", she said, attempting to cozy up to the beleaguered candidate. ""Listen, I have the inside line on an issue the new wave feminazis are aching to get at. They say it will give you the boost you need…

Hillary and Trump get into a helicoptor The helicopter takes off. After 20 mins into the flight there is a constant beeping noise and the pilot seems to be in a panick Pilot: *Shit, the helicopter is not able to take the weight. I'm unable to control it* Hillary: *What do we do now?* Pilot: *one person has to jump out* Hillary and Trump start fighting saying how important each was and started calling names...when suddenly Pilot: *Since you both are important, I have taken the decision to sacrifi…

Tally-whacker Bill Clinton after playing a round of golf with Supporters, notices Donald trump standing in an adjacent urinal. Suddenly Bill looks down and notices that Donald was quite well endowed. ""Damn, Donald,"" Bill said, ""How did that thing ever get so big?"" ""It's like this, Every night, before I go to bed, I smack it against the bed post ten times. That's all it takes."" ""What a good idea!"" said Bill. ""Hillary's been ignoring me lately; this could really perk up our love life."" L…