Hillary Jokes

The Inauguration Tommorrow I'm going to volunteer to man the suicide hotline tomorrow, because I know they'll be a lot of depressed Hillary supporters looking for help. So what do you guys think I should recommend: poison or jumping?

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, ""Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."" God asks Obama first: ""What do you believe?"" He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, ""I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen."" God can't help but see the essential goodness of…

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun? One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

Why is Hillary spelled with 2 L's? One for 2008 and one for 2016.

A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: ""You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed."" Next day Bill asks Hillary: ""So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?""

If President Trump passes away while in office, he will never admit it because... ...he'll continue tweeting denials about it from the grave: === --- >>###Yes, it is true - Tupac Shakur, the great Afro-American musician, called me about getting together for a meeting. We met, HE IS A GREAT GUY! >> Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 28, 2017 --- === --- >>###VERY dishonest coroner's report says I died. How crooked are they. Why did they only complain after Hillary lost?…

Heaven Obama, Hillary, and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, ""Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in.""God asks Obama first: ""What do you believe?"" He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, ""I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen"". God can't help but see the essential good…

Hillary Clinton and Bernie sanders are having dinner together! Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were having dinner when Hillary said to Bernie ""Let me get you a knife"" Bernie said ""I'll just use this one you put in my back""

Using high powered gamma rays, creatures on Mars have established total mind control over Donald. And Hillary. And the liberal press. And the Alt-right. Hey, all I know is what I read on Facebook. (But it explains everything!)

If there was a championship for the world's biggest loser, Hillary would take second place. Because she can't win anything.

Donald Trump announced that he would be turning down the regular Presidential Salary in lieu of a yearly salary of $232 He said ""If 232 is good enough for Hillary, it's good enough for me""

Bill and Hillary's anniversary Interviewer: Mr. Clinton, what was your anniversary gift for Hillary this year? Bill: I took her to Africa! Interviewer: That's wonderful. What will be your gift next year? Bill: Maybe I'll take her back home.

Civil war To all of the Hillary supporters who are unhappy with the election and would like to start a civil war, just remember, you are on the side that doesn't want any guns.

An angry Hillary storms into Satan's office and yells ""You told me I was going to win!"" Satan looks up from the paper and says, ""Well, you told me you had a soul.""

A Trump supporter dies and goes to heaven... St. Peter says, ""Welcome, we've been expecting you. But there's only one problem, we have some tough zoning laws around here and all we put all the Trump supporters in that area. And as you can see it's absolutely choked full. There is no room for you."" The Trump supporter says, ""That's ok. May I just say four words?"" St Peter say, ""I don't see why not."" So the Trump supporter shouts out, ""Hillary spotted in Heaven!"" Almost immediately, all th…

Trump has a change of heart and brings Hillary to his administration As Ambassador to Libya

For the first time ever I find Hillary relatable. I'm not president either.

Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House? So she can be pardoned.

As Hillary is leaving to go vote... ...she says to Bill, ""tonight there will be two presidents sleeping in this bed."" The next morning Bill says ""so, is Donald coming here tonight or are we going over to his place?""

If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election... ...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!

I guess it's good Hillary didn't win... It would be kinda awkward for her to be sitting behind the desk that Monica was under.

Top Ten Benefits of a Trump Presidency 10. Instagram photos of fancy food replaced by photos of comfort food. 9. Household net worth rises if women are considered property. 8. SNL and the Daily Show get a little better. 7. Americans get to experience four year educational historical reenactment of Nazi Germany. 6. Pared down Facebook friends list keeps snooping relatives from seeing your EDM concert photos. 5. College protests exercise the legs of students who did not leave their dorms to vote. …

I emailed Hillary that to secure a win, she had to pick Bernie as VP. I guess she deleted it.

Hillary will give her concession speech... Since somebody paid her $250,000 speaking fee.

If I had a dollar for every time Hillary said ""making the economy work for everyone, not just those at the top""... ...the economy would work for me.