Netflix Jokes

Netflix and Chill makes me miss Blockbuster and dry hump

"I wish I had more time to read" he said as Netflix automatically played the next episode.

Idea: Netflix, but for pancakes. Or Blockbuster By Mail for pancakes. Even Omaha Steaks for pancak...look, my point is: mail-order pancakes.

Netflix just asked me to rate 'Spy Kids 2' and I clicked "I haven't seen it" but I have. I have seen it. A lot.

How long does Netflix have to be down before they send someone to your house to stroke your hair & tell you everything's going to be alright

Netflix just asked me "Are you really going to eat that too?"

when ur watchig netflix alone in bed and the scene blacks out so u see ur own reflection r u suposed to smile at urself? help i feel awkward

*forgets Netflix password* *sends email reset* *forgets email password* *sends reset to backup* 20 resets later: *opens 2nd Netflix account*

Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.

The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....

"i am equally happy on the couch watching netflix or at a party with friends" = "the human condition is one of sickness & contradiction"

*found in the netflix horror section* "Mary has a secret that'll TEAR YOU APART" Movie name: Mary piranha

My wife is scrolling through Netflix to see what shows I watched between now and when she asked me to vacuum. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Netflix suggested I watch my kids.

*Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*

Netflix is all, "Do you want to watch a bunch of crappy documentaries? No?? Well how about if we charged you $9 a month to watch them??"

Last night I dreamt I laid in bed all day drinking wine, eating chocolate & watching Netflix. Tomorrow I'm making my dreams come true.

"I ~don't own~ a TV." *Binge-views 8 hours of Netflix in bed.*

21st century divorce: I want it stipulated that he can't change the Netflix password.

DATE IDEA: We stay in our respective homes and watch different shows on Netflix. And also that was a fake phone number I gave you.

[Gets a Netflix notification on phone] FRIEND: Is that your ex? ME: [Lying] No.

Her: What are your desires? Me: My desires are..[imagines having a talking Pug named Maurice that I watch Netflix with]...Unconventional.

Netflix documentaries convinced me I should be vegan. So I did what any American would do. I bought some bacon and canceled Netflix.

The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it's not on Netflix.

Future Headline: "Trump Caught On Tape Eating Newborn Babies, Hillary Caught Using Friend's Netflix Password Undecideds Still On The Fence"