Netflix Jokes

Netflix: we are the top online streaming service. Best in the world. Me: can I rewind 10 seconds without ruining everything? Netflix: no

Thinking about starting an independent pharmacy called "Netflix and Pills". Quality patient care with 24/7 Netflix while you wait. Thoughts?

Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."

If Netflix asks if you're still watching, tell the truth. I didn't & missed the first time my Netflix rode a bicycle on its own

regrets? [thinks back to the time i drunkenly watched Spy Kids 3-D & it forever ruined my netflix recommendations] yeah i've got regrets

Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"

Google glasses? No thanks, too much tech. It's weird "You can secretly watch Netflix at work" Oh, please take literally all of my money.

[1st Date] Brain: Be cool, gurl Him: Hi, I'm Ja- Me: Toilet paper should be called crapkins Him: Netflix: So... Just you and me again, eh?

My favorite genre on Netflix is "watch it again"

adult coping mechanisms: drinking, Netflix, pretending nothing's wrong

Friday night. Gonna put on my dancing shoes, throw on my coolest shirt, and aimlessly browse Netflix for an hour

My Netflix subscription feels like one of those abusive relationships people are afraid of leaving.

The only thing worse than watching a TED Talk is doing it on Netflix so your TV thinks you like TED Talks & tries to make you watch more

Only death will keep me from you. Or cake. Or Netflix. Or kittens....hold on, I have a list.

My husband just got to level three on netflix: "faking an illness" to finish binge watching I'm on level 6: "faking your own abduction"

FINALS TIP: Create a reward system to help you study. For example, if you spend 1 hour studying, reward yourself with 72 hours of Netflix.

Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can't click because I'm eating cereal and a sandwich.

Every since my Grandma discovered Netflix she's been calling me w/ suggestions like "ok write this down, it's called Friends, F-R-I-E-....."

[at home on video conference call] Yeah boss I don't know why I keep dropping. Maybe my connection is bad. *pauses Netflix on 2nd monitor*

Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don't know Netflix exists."

The difference between your husband and your Netflix account is, over time, your Netflix account learns what you like.

After you're done watching them, Netflix should let you exchange children.

My 5-year-old refused to eat her dinner because Netflix was running slow. At least she picked a worthy cause for her hunger strike.

[Gets down on one knee] We can save $7.99 a month if we share a single Netflix account.

yeah i like going to the gym. if by gym you mean beer and Netflix. 20 billion RTs 1 trillion favs, rted by the official white house twitter