Netflix Jokes

Dear Netflix; when I got my first dvd by mail all those years ago I never dreamed that one day you would raise a child for me.

Her: I have Netflix if you wanna come watch a movie :) Me: No it's ok, I have my own account [60 years later on deathbed] Me: Wait a minute

Him: I know your secret Me:*nervously sweating, remembering my Netflix history* Yeah? H: You killed someone M: *relieved* Oh, haha. Yep

if i was a ghost i would probably still just watch netflix

Netflix is red, Xanax is blue. Put them together for a fun afternoon.

I smoked before going to the dentist & didn't know they would let me have laughing gas &watch Netflix Im cross faded af having the best time

[the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!

Now that pinterest, instagram and netflix are down, I think I'm just going to spend the weekend learning the names of my children.

Barista: Did you hear Netflix is raising its price $2 a month? Me: Ridiculous! I won't pay it! B: here's your coffee. $12.32 M: thank you

I hate when Netflix asks if I'm still watching. You really think I got my life together in the last 2 hours?

what would Netflix even do if i sent them back a DVD of me doing karate they'd have no choice but to add it to their collection i suppose

Me: I'm going to bed after this episode. Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok.

Arrested Development is cool, but when is Netflix gonna bring back my Grampa?

Netflix just announced it's raising the price and changing it's slogan to "One movie you wanna see and a thousand others you never heard of"

Oh, you want me to watch everything you have in less than the one-month free trial period? Challenge accepted, Netflix.

What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?......... Both stream instantly.

Netflix is making a documentary on the upcoming presidential inauguration. They're calling it ""Orange is the New Black"".

What did Dr Dre say to his wife during Netflix and chill? Hope you're ready for the next episode

TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content. But Stranger Things have happened.

Just found out there is a whole series on Netflix about this year's election results. Orange is the new black.

Top Ten Benefits of a Trump Presidency 10. Instagram photos of fancy food replaced by photos of comfort food. 9. Household net worth rises if women are considered property. 8. SNL and the Daily Show get a little better. 7. Americans get to experience four year educational historical reenactment of Nazi Germany. 6. Pared down Facebook friends list keeps snooping relatives from seeing your EDM concert photos. 5. College protests exercise the legs of students who did not leave their dorms to vote. …

I'm really confused by the fact people judge me for refusing to pay for Netflix... I mean, I've seen Stranger Things.

I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb?

AMA request! Someone who actually pays for Netflix. Instead of using their brothers ex girlfriends sisters moms password.

I gave my dog my Netflix password Which ended up being problematic. See, I'm raising him to be an atheist. I came home one day to find him sitting on the couch upset. He said ""My whole life is a lie, you've lying to me. I just found out where all dogs go.""