I'm really confused by the fact people judge me for refusing to pay for Netflix... I mean, I've seen Stranger Things.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

If you roll out your chapstick more than an inch, I'll see you in court.

what does the Bible say about faking your own death to get out of jury duty