A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, "why the long face?" & the horse says, "why the English Lit degree?"

Cop: Have you been drinking? Me: *sips beer Cop: That was stupid. Me: So was your question.

HEY OFFICER, STOP SCREAMING AT ME TO PULL OVER, I'M DRUNK NOT DEAF

Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No.