Hillary Jokes

The Election was tied.... The US Presidential election of 2016 had been over for weeks. Every single ballot had been counted and tabulated, the Electoral College had cast their votes, and after every avenue had been exhausted, it was unequivocally a dead heat. Both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton turned to the Supreme Court for a decision, agreeing to abide by the ruling for the good of the Country, Mom, and Apple Pie. After due deliberation, Justice Ginsburg, the Notorious RBG, spoke for the C…

Trump and Hillary go skiing Trump and Hillary decide to go skiing to decide who will win the presidency. It is decided that whoever reaches the bottom of the hill fastest will be the next president. However, as Hillary reaches the halfway point the ski lift above the slope breaks and chops her head clean off. Her head then rolls down the rest of the slope into a pile of ski equipment. I guess you could say ""she is a head in the poles!""

Sort of racist joke (sorry) Why will Hilary win the election? Because only the white people that didn't go to college will vote for Trump. All the other people that didn't go to college will vote for Hillary.

Why is Hillary running for president? Because it's easier than running from law enforcement

Trump joke last night... What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election? ""Pardon me""

I'm sick and tired of those who say Hillary has no great accomplishments.... I would say staying out of prison for the crimes she committed in the last four decades is a great accomplishment.

Trump & Hillary are on a boat. The boat sinks, who survives? The United States.

Hillary and Trump tie in the election... And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn. Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds. Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20. The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks ""9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"" The moderator says "…

Why won't Hillary ever pull out? She's never finished screwing people.

What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions? Donald Ducks I'll show myself out

Hillary and Donald Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery shop. As soon as they enter the bakery, Trump steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to Hillary: ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't even see anything, and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely win the election."" Hillary says to Donald: ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same 3 pastrie…

Hillary is like the George Washington of 2016. She cannot tell a lie.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Tim Kaine, Mike Pence and an elderly lady were on a plane that was halfway across the Atlantic Ocean on their way to America. Suddenly, the plane began to start shaking violently. A voice on the intercom said, ""We lost an engine! Going Down! Passengers take a parachute and get away before it blows!"" Unfortunately there were only 4 parachutes available. Hillary grabbed one, said, ""I'm sorry, but as a potential first female president and keeper of Wall Street inte…

If Trump had a brick for every lie Hillary has said He'd be able to build the wall for free.

Hill and Don go to a bakery... Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go to a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. Then Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same res…

so I used to read /r/nosleep to get scared Now all I have to do is remember than Hillary is still running

Presidential Race No one voted in the presidential election because everyone was so upset with the shit show. While trying to figure out what to do, Obama suggests an actual presidential race around the white house. They let bernie sanders run but since he's old he takes 24 mins. Trump goes and gets a time of 14:36. Hillary is all fired up and ready to beat trump. She is hopping over shrubbery and stepping on flowers. She finishes just under 10 mins. After she finishes, she proclaims, ""wow that…

If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country. If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. It's not like I don't like either one. I just love to travel.

Hillary and trump Hillary & Trump go into a bakery shop. As soon as they enter the bakery, Trump steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to Hillary: ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't even see anything, and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely win the election."" Hillary says to Donald: ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same 3 pastries without stea…

There are alot of Hillary signs in my neighborhood... When did she change her last name to 'For Prison'?

Donald and Hillary walk into a presidential debate. And America walks out

Trump is too politically incorrect, Hillary is too politically correct Yet they're both incorrect for politics

It's looking like Hillary is definitely going to win the election I think I might move to Benghazi, at least she'll leave me alone there.

I'm not sure Hillary should be in Office... The last Clinton left a bad taste in people's mouths.

First Pitch or ... One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, ""You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch.""