Hillary Jokes

Presidential clock After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. She yells, ""That's not a clock"", to which he responds, ""If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!""

Bill said to hillary One day bill said to Hillary "" Is the reason you want to be president to sleep with an intern for revenge."" To which Hillary replied "" I guess that depends what the meaning of is is""

I feel sorry for the people who are supporting Hillary. Living without a brain must be difficult.

Bill comforts Hillary Bill walks into Hillary office one day, sits down and says ""Honey don't worry about it you will get your chance to be president."" he pauses ""Look Nelson Mandela spent 27 yrs in prison before he became president""

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash. A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes. The first passenger yells, ""I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't afford to die."" he took the first parachute and jumped. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, ""I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. The 3rd passenger…

Hillary and Mandela Poor Hillary was down in the dumps this morning, the campaign is in the doldrums, the pollsters are not being kind, the public is disinterested, and she is way behind in New Hampshire. To top it all off, now she is even having to consider Joe Biden as a potential competitor. Uncle Joe Biden! For crying out loud. So Bill did his best to try to cheer her up this morning, over breakfast. He reminded her of their good acquaintance, Nelson Mandela, who faced even greater hardship …

Clinton era joke I heard 19 years ago (NSFW) There was a Halloween party at the White House. Bill and Hillary were upstairs changing into their outfits. Eventually they come down, and Bill is wearing nothing but a potato between his legs, while Hillary is wearing nothing but a lemon between her legs. When asked what they're supposed to be, Hillary says ""I'm a sour puss"" and Bill says ""I'm a dictater.""

Hillary and Huma Hillary Clinton likes Huma Abedin who is married to Anthony Weiner which would make her Huma Weiner. That means that Hillary likes a Weiner which means that she is not gay.

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed... Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that, if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."" God thinks f…

George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.

Monica Lewinsky says she's not voting for Hillary if she runs because... ...the last time a Clinton was in the White House it left a bad taste in her mouth!

I highly doubt that Monica Lewinsky will support Hillary in 2016. I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, ""Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."" Hillary replied, ""I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."" His Holiness then backh…

Monica Lewinsky just released a statement on the presidential candidacy of Hillary Clinton... She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

If Hillary is elected..... will she only make 70% of what Obama makes?

Game of Thrones Supports Hillary V: The seven kingdoms needs a ruler loved by millions with a powerful army and the right family name. T: Good luck finding him. V: Who said anything about him? Ready for Hillary

Former President Clinton and Mrs. Hillary Clinton are in the front row at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents, one of whom leans over and whispers something into the President's ear. As soon as he finishes, Mr. Clinton grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. Hillary falls 10 feet to the top of the dugout, kicking and screaming obscenities. The Secret Service agent leans over again and whispers, ""Mr. President, I said, they …

Old Clinton joke President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder. As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, ""you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?"" ... ""No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?"" Clinton responds, ""well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."" ... ""Excellent trade sir!!""

So Bush is elected President... ...and he decides to give Clinton a visit at the White House. So they're having drinks after dinner, conversation flowing, when Bush needs to relieve himself. He asks Bill where the urinals were, and Bill points him down a corridor, third door to the right. He notices that the urinal was golden - but assumes he was sent to a special bathroom, possibly for visiting dignitaries. Anyway, on their way home, he happens to mention this to Laura. She doesn't think it's a…

Bill and Hilary Clinton, a boy, and an elderly man are on a plane ...when the plane starts going down. Unfortunately there was only 3 parachutes. Bill says ""I was president of the United States so i should take one."" So he grabs a chute and jumps. Hillary says ""I'm the smartest person in the world, so i should go."" So she grabs a chute and jumps. Then the elderly man says ""I've lived my life boy, you take the last chute"" The boy says ""Wait there's still two parachutes, the smartest person…

Hillary and Trump are in a boat and it sinks. Who survives? I'd say Hillary. According to Bill, she never goes down.

President Obama had lunch today with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, ""After phoning my top advisers, I think I'll run for office."" And the president said, ""I know. I listened in.""

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."" God thinks for a second and says, ""Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."" God then addresses Bill. ""Bill, what do you believe in?"" Bill replies, ""I belie…

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. ""Buy a puppy Ma'am?"" asks the lad. ""Oh no sorry,"" says Mrs. Clinton. "" We have a cat already you know."" ""But they are Democrat puppies, Ma'am"" asserts the enterprising lad. Clinton smiles, but again declines. The boy nods, Clinton jogs on. The next day Clinton is jogging by the same spot. There again is the boy still trying to sell the puppies. As Clinton jogs by she over hears the youth telling the potential custome…

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long..... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Washington says, ""Never tell a lie."" ""Ouch!"" Says Hillary, ""I don't know about that."" The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Jefferson says, ""Listen to the people."" ""Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."" On…