If I were Hillary, I'd ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady.

Dr: you have pneumonia Hillary: what's pneumonia Me: *fighting off secret service* not much monia what's pneu with you

Israel is like STOP TOUCHING ME and Palestine is like YOU'RE TOUCHING ME and Hillary is like I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER.

"Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night