Fred Jokes

"Hey Fred" Yeah Barney? "The Bee Gees have no hot chicks in the band" Yeah but ABBA do!

Fred: let's settle this once and for all! *fred rips my face away revealing bloody skull* Velma: he wasn't wearing a mask! Fred: I know.

The Flintstones becomes an entirely different show when you consider Fred & Barney probably weren't wearing underwear.

fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha

Friend: "I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. He acts like a savage." Me: "Fred or Ben?"

There was an episode of the Flintstones where a mechanic worked on Fred's car HEY FRED YOURE GETTING RIPPED OFF THERE IS NO ENGINE IN THERE

[Playing spin the bottle] "Ok so Fred has to kiss..." [Bottle spins out of control, goes back in time & lands at the last supper] "...Jesus"

- Fred, Velma, Shaggy... Can you name one of the 'Big 5' African animals? - Rhino - We know you do, Scooby, but it's not your team's turn

Either that loud scream was a patient yelling for help or Fred pulled the string on the bird's tail for quitting time- Why my cw hates me

"on your left u see fred in camo, on your right is bertha, she has ridden many miles on that electric cart." If walmart had tour guides.

So these two whales walk into a bar... ...The first whale says to the bartender, ""[whooooooooo- whooooooooooooooo- whoooo- whooooop- whooooooo-""](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo2bVbDtiX8) The second whale says, ""Fred, you're drunk.""

At the deer lease The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, ""Man, what happened to you? He said, ""Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."" The next night it was a different guy's turn. I…

Dating in 1962 It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell. ""Oh, come on in!"" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. ""Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"" ""Iced tea, please,"" Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea. ""So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?"" she asked. ""Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at th…

The friend said, ""Then what's the problem?"" Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, ""Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"" Fred replied, ""Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."" His friend thinks for a moment and says, ""I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."" A few months later they meet again and his…

Two Golfers Harry and Fred were playing their Sunday afternoon golf game. The game, as always, was close. They were at the treacherous 12th hole: a par three that required a perfect first shot over a large pond and onto a tiny green. There were sand traps on the other three sides of the green, and a small road 50 feet beyond it. Harry went first. He carefully addressed the ball and hit a good shot that landed just on the edge of the green, narrowly avoiding the pond. Just as Fred addressed his b…

A Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He starts the stop by asking the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer, in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his …

Classic cartoon characters get together for a reunion. A bunch of classic cartoon characters get together one night for some fun. After dinner, followed by a few too many glasses of wine, Velma Flintstone declares ""Have any of you ladies been having any intimacy issues? Fred and I have had to use personal lubricant lately. I guess after thousands of years, the spark is just gone."" ""Oh sister, you are not alone!"" chirps Daphne. My Fred and I have been using lube since that whole ordeal with t…

Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought.. A wife had just made her husband a nice breakfast as she was in need of a few things and her husband was just a complete A** Hole. So, the husband is reading the paper, and the wife says, ""Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought, well something is wrong with it, it won't go into the spin cycle and I was hoping you could take a look at it and see if you could fix it."" Husband lowers the news paper and says, ""What do I lo…

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley.

Playing Golf So, I got home late after a round of golf. My wife was waiting for me, and boy, she was pissed. ""Where were you?!"" she demanded to know. ""Well,"" I sighed, ""I was out playing a round of golf with Fred from HR, and he had a heart attack on the 10th hole."" ""That's terrible!"" she exclaimed, her eyes widening in shock. ""Yeah,"" I said. ""The rest of the time it was 'Hit the ball. Drag Fred. Hit the ball. Drag Fred...'""

Did you hear about the cannibal who switched to Spam? He said it's the greatest thing since sliced Fred

A Bit of Variety Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he's going to divorce his wife. ""Good grief,"" says Jim, ""You and Sue are the happiest couple I know. Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?"" ""Well,"" replies Fred, ""Truth be known I'm just bored with pokin' the same hole night after night after night. I guess I'm hankerin' for a bit of variety."" Jim thinks for a while and then suggests, ""Wel…

Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, ""Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!""

Just Fred A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. ""Fred,"" he replies. ""Fred what?"" the officer asks. ""Just Fred,"" the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but p…

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when... one of the men asked the other, ""Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"" ""Outstanding,"" Fred replied. ""They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me."" ""That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, ""What do you call that flower…