Barney Jokes

"Hey Fred" Yeah Barney? "The Bee Gees have no hot chicks in the band" Yeah but ABBA do!

Anyone else notice how Barney the Dinosaur is basically a T-rex & parents had no qualms about leaving their children with an apex predator?

The Flintstones becomes an entirely different show when you consider Fred & Barney probably weren't wearing underwear.

Whenever a bill collector calls I just give the phone to my toddler and tell her it's Barney.

T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.

Car Keys Tom and Barney got out and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key from the ignition. Realizing their mistake, Tom asked, ""Why don't we use a coat hanger to open it?"" ""No, that won't work,"" answered Barney. ""People will think we're trying to break in."" So Tom suggested, ""What if we use a pocketknife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in, and pull up the lock?"" ""No,"" said Barney. ""People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger."" ""Well,"" sig…

Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,... Barney says, ""Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"" Fred replies, ""You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."" Barney retorts, ""Well gee, Fred, I wouldn't think any band would play music as tacky and outdated as your personality."" Fred rebutted enthusiastically, ""Well yeah, …

Barney Frank was dining with friends one night. A lady friend asked if she could taste some of his delicious-looking seafood, but Barney wasn't in a sharing mood. People who were there said it was shellfish.

Why isn't Barney the Dinosaur allowed to drive? Because everybody knows -- tyrannosaurus wrecks.

Q: Why isn't Barney the Dinosaur allowed to drive? A: Because everybody knows -- tyrannosaurus wrecks.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been going about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are you Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not going to check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a…

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer onl…

Q: What's green and purple and goes up and down? A: Barney in an elevator.

Things never to say to a cop: 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That's …