Harry Jokes

"yer a magician, harry" hagrid said to hary houdini when he graduted magic academy

If you ever feel bad about your procrastination, Harry had three month to figure out the egg clue and still did it the night before

HARRY POTTER: Alohamora MORA: Aloha, Harry

If you watch Harry Potter backwards, Voldemort is really good at zapping people back to life and turning Harry into a baby.

Professor Snape caught Harry in the hall after dark and out of NOWHERE Lupin pops out in the hallway to save him. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT

[marriage counseling] Ginny- He always hides from our problems. Therapist- Is this true? Harry- *puts on invisibility cloak* No.

Harry wasn't chosen for Ravenclaw because he tried to catch the Hogwarts letters from the air instead of taking one from the floor.

The widow A older woman's husband died and she is sitting at the kitchen table letting his ashes sift through her fingers. Harry, do you remember the jewelry I always wanted but you would never buy? See my diamond necklace and matching bracelet? I have them now. Thank you. Remember the furs you did not want to spend the money for? This is my mink and I have a sable upstairs. I have them now. Thank you. How about the vacations we could never afford? I leave today for The French Rivera with my 22 …

I never remember silly things A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time. One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife. ""Really?"", one of the men said, what's it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, ""what are those good smelling flowers called again?"" ""Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned. ""Yes that's it,"" he exclaimed. Looking over at his wife he s…

What starts with f and ends with k... A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ""Harry, what's your problem?"" Harry answered, ""I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"" Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The princi…

The ladder to success One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud. She spoke, ""Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and fou…

Frank and Harry are at their golf club... As Frank gets set to take his swing, a funeral procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says ""That was a thoughtful thing to do"". To which Frank replies ""It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years.""

Smartest Kid in 1st Grade A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms.…

Climb the ladder One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud. She spoke, ""Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a t…

A wife with a girlfriend A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her, ""Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that he's screwing his secretary. I can't eat, I can't sleep...in fact, I've already lost eight pounds this month alone!"" ""Well, why don't you du…

What is Harry Potter's philosophy on relationships... Hit it and quidditch.

The Surrogate The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been ex…

Fresh and Funny! Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk? Oh Harry, that would be lovely! Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?

Mary goes to the supermarket... Mary goes to the supermarket, needing eggs and bread. She is particularly fond of potato bread, but she can't reach it, as it is stocked on the top shelf. She sees a taller woman and asks for assistance. The other woman, happy to help, reaches up and grabs the potato bread and hands it to Mary. She thanks her, and the women are on their way. Mary then stops by to get some eggs and runs into the taller lady again. The taller lady introduces herself as Sherri, and s…

New secretary Frank and Harry have been business partners for many years. They had just employed a new secretary and Frank had taken her out. ""How was it?"" inquired Harry. ""Fantastic! And i don't mind saying, that she's far better in the cot than my wife."" A couple of weeks later, Harry took the secretary out, and the following morning, he said, ""You're right Frank, she is better than your wife!"" Edit: typos

Harry was blind. His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.

Every time I see my grandad he tells me the same joke. Grandad - How's Harry? Me - Harry Who? Grandad - I'm fine thanks, how are you?

The trouble with Harry What Starts with F and ends with K? A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ""Harry, what's your problem?"" Harry answered, ""I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"" Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situ…

Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

An algebra teacher had just finished his lecture when he saw a female student... She had stayed behind after everyone else had left, furiously working away at proof exercises. The teacher walked up to her and said, ""Why are you working so hard?"" She looked up and responded: ""Harry Styles will marry me if and only if I finish top of my class."" The teacher looked bemused. ""How can you make such a claim?"" The student's face lit up. ""Well"", she said, ""let's say that I DO finish top of my cl…