Harry Jokes

A muggle walks up to a wizard And says ""Holy crap, you're Harry Potter!!"" The wizard replies, ""No, but you're close. I'm Harry Potter's godfather"" ""Haha, nice try Harry Potter. I know it's you."" Says the muggle. ""No, I'm Sirius""

What did Hagrid say to Harry Potter after Harry had a mishap with some potions? ""You're a lizard Harry!""

Two Golfers Harry and Fred were playing their Sunday afternoon golf game. The game, as always, was close. They were at the treacherous 12th hole: a par three that required a perfect first shot over a large pond and onto a tiny green. There were sand traps on the other three sides of the green, and a small road 50 feet beyond it. Harry went first. He carefully addressed the ball and hit a good shot that landed just on the edge of the green, narrowly avoiding the pond. Just as Fred addressed his b…

A MAN, A WIFE, A COP A Man, His Wife And The Cop A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car. The man says, ""What's the problem officer?"" Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you. Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.] …

The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen. Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.

What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill? Walking. Jk. Rolling.

The British are making a monument out of rocks to Harry Potter's author When finished, it'll be called the Rowling Stones.

Harry and Jerry Harry is at home and his door is locked. Jerry come in Harry says, ""Who are you and how did you get here"" Jerry says, ""I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith""

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the jews? Harry survived the chamber.

Yerr a unit of power Harry! Im a watt?

Knock Knock Knock, knock. Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, it's cold out here!

Harry wakes up in heaven... Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed. ""What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And who are you?"" he asked. ""This is not your bedroom,"" the man replied, ""I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."" ""WHAT? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young."" said Harry. ""If I'm dead, I want you to send me ba…

Harry, it's your baby Said Professor Umbridge

Today, Prince Harry broke off his longtime relationship with a woman whose name he had previously refused to reveal to the press. When they broke up, it was discovered the woman was actually Lorde, popular New Zealand singer. When asked why the sudden break, Harry responded ""She'll never be royal. It doesn't run in her blood.""

is Harry potter rasict What's the difference about Harry potter and a jew? Harry made it out of the chambers alive

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry managed to escape the chamber.

Knockknock, who's there? It's Harry. Thankyou, Knockknock

Harry... One morning, Harry wakes up and goes downstairs into the kitchen. It's his birthday. It's the third day of the third month and Harry is thirty three years old. He notices that the kitchen clock has broken and stopped at 3:30am. On the radio, the weather announces that the temperature is 33 degrees. Opening the sporting section of his newspaper, he turns to page three; he sees that a horse called 'Triple Treble' is running in the 3.30. He rings up a bookmaker and puts 333 on it to win. I…

Ron visits Harry Ron: Ring ring. Harry: Who's there? Ron: It's Ron! Harry: Ron who? Ron: Harry, it's me! Ron Weasley! The Door: I think his perception of identity is suffering. Harry: Nobody asked you, dumb bell door! The Door: See.

Why couldn't Harry play basketball? Because he's got no arms.

cop joke :P A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look…

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry made it out of the chamber.

What starts with ""F"" and ends with ""K""? A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms.. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The pri…

Harry decided to grow a beard out before going back to work. When he went back, he asked one of the new employees to guess his name... the employee said, ""I don't know, but you look like a harry kind of a guy.""

Why did ginny make harry get rid of his invisibility cloak? He kept coming out of no where