Rearview Jokes

If you cut me off in traffic you better be ready to look in your rearview mirror and see me yelling something you can't hear.

There seems to be a direct correlation between how many rosaries you have hanging on your rearview and how shitty a driver you are.

Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don't confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.

An expensive car A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand-new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man (about 75 years old) on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny new car and asks, ""What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"" The young man replies, ""A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"" ""That's a lot of money,"" say…

A MAN, A WIFE, A COP A Man, His Wife And The Cop A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car. The man says, ""What's the problem officer?"" Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you. Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.] …

What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A rearview mirror, so that they can see the war!

A man is driving along and sees a lawyer on the side of the road... ...thinking he'll do the world a favor, he jerks the wheel and runs over the lawyer as he drives by. Further down the road he sees another man along the side of the road and as he gets closer he realizes it's a priest and that he's in need of help. At this point he decides to keep his public service streak going and he pulls over and offers the priest a ride. The two continue on to where they're going when the man sees yet anoth…

A blonde walks out of a hospital. She hails a taxi. The cab driver noticed she had her hand bandaged. Striking up a conversation he asks how she injured her hand. The blonde looks up sheepishly and says, ""I tried to commit suicide."" The cab driver is taken aback but looks at his passenger in the rearview mirror. ""I'm glad you are okay but pardon me for asking; how did that affect your hand?"" The blonde takes a deep breath and starts her story. ""I took a gun and put it up to one of ears, but…

Every woman I've ever been with only saw me the way they wanted to see me... ...in their rearview mirror.

A man was driving down a country dirt road... when he looked in his rearview mirror, and noticed something behind his car. After looking at this object getting closer and closer, he looked down at his speedometer, and he was driving about 45 MPH. After a minute or so, the object was almost to the rear of his car, and he could tell that it was not large at all. He glanced at his side view mirror, and saw that the object was getting ready to pass him, so he slowed down to 40 MPH. As the object beg…

Shut Up, Manners, and Poop are cruising down the road... Shut Up is driving, Manners is in the passenger seat and Poop is having a blast sitting in the back. Poop keeps getting close to the open window and Manners tries to warn him but it's too late; Poop flies right out the window. Shut Up waits until it's safe and then pulls the car over. He tells Manners to go find Poop and he will double back to grab them. So Manners gets out and starts walking back toward Poop. Shut Up pulls out and drives …

Tiny Blue Dot A rich kid is taking his newly acquired vintage Ferrari out for a spin. He starts putting the pedal down as he gets out into the rural areas, just having a blast. His fuel starts running a bit low so he pulls into an old gas station. An older fellow wearing faded jeans and a blue shirt with the gas station logo comes over to the side of the car. ""What'll it be?"" he says, hooking his fingers into his suspenders. ""Premium, and fill 'er up,"" says the young man. The gas station att…

HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt HER: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car b/c you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it 9. Enter PIN number 10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 11. Hit ""cancel"" 12. Re-enter correct PIN number 13. Check balance 14. Look…

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world and it runs him $500000. He takes it out for a spin and while doing so stops for a red light. An old man on a moped both looking about 90 years old pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek shiny surface of the car and asks ""What kind of car ya got there sonny?"". The dude replies ""A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500000."" ""That's a lott…

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. ""Don't know"" the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U- turn and drove up to them. ""This is my husband"" the old woman said. ""He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either.""

Why does the French Military install rearview mirrors on their tanks? So that they can see the battle.

The latest thing in the world of chickens. A guy is driving down a country road when suddenly a chicken darts into the road ahead of him. He swerves to miss it but is pretty sure he hit it. When he looks in the rearview mirror, though, he doesn't see the chicken. When he looks back forward, he sees that the chicken is running ahead of the car! Since he's doing about 40 mph, this astounds him. He decides to follow the chicken. Down the road a bit, the chicken turns down a dirt lane and then ru…

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror... He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside. The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen. "You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the…

State trooper A woman is driving through rural Pennsylvania when red and blue lights come on in her rearview mirror. The officer approaches the vehicle. Officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over? Woman: Ya, you wanted to invite me to the policeman's ball! Officer: Ma'am I am a Pennsylvania State Trooper and we don't have balls. There was a moment of silence..... The officer tipped his hat, returned to his patrol car and left.

A German taxi driver was on his shift... He is driving one of these Mercedes models that have the Mercedes emblem as a hood ornament. A guy waves him down, so he stops and let him enter. It was a tourist, in town on his first trip to Germany. The driver asks: "So, how do you like our country?" The guy answers: "Oh, it's great. But it is so different from home in many aspects. Some things, I cannot make sense of." The taxi driver asks: "Really? Like what?" The guy says: "Well, for instance, …

John had a nasty habit of murdering lawyers. If any lawyer crossing a road would be seen by John driving his car, John would accelerate and always aim for the lawyer. Hearing a lovely "bang" made by lawyer's body hitting the hood and seeing him in the rearview mirror lying in a pool of blood was what would make John's heart sing. One day John picked up a priest who was hitchhiking. As they were driving John suddenly sees a lawyer just about to cross the road. Old habit kicking in, John acceler…

Just in time for Thanksgiving: Boys have a thing and girls don't. One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat. "What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls" she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. "My teacher told us that boys have a thing and girls don't," she added. "Well, …

Winner! Winner! Chicken dinner! A guy is driving down a country road when suddenly a chicken darts into the road ahead of him. He swerves to miss it but is pretty sure he hit it. When he looks in the rearview mirror

Why do French tanks come equipped with rearview mirrors? So they can see the battle.

State trooper A woman is driving through rural Pennsylvania when red and blue lights come on in her rearview mirror. The officer approaches the vehicle.