Pennsylvania Jokes

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside? ""Shomething'sh Amish...""

Why does no one own an Xbox in Pennsylvania? Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!

A guy wants to join a church A guy goes up to the pastor and says ""I would like to join your church."" The pastor says ""You can't just join...you have to prove you know something about the bible. Tell me, where was Jesus born?"" ""Ummm...Pittsburgh?"" ""That's not right"" says the Pastor. ""Get out of my church."" The guy goes to the church down the street. Once again, the pastor says ""You have to know something about the bible to be in our church. Where was Jesus born?"" ""Ummm...Philadelphi…

Whats the worst joke you can play on an American? Two pies to the face and one somewhere in a field in Pennsylvania.

Have you heard about the recent wave of Saudi emmigration to Pennsylvania? No? Yeah, well it's quite big - there was even a popular documentary series on it... ""It's always Sunni in Philadelphia.""

There is rumor of a new ""Amish Flu"" out of Pennsylvania... the symptoms are low grade fever, and you will get a little hoarse and Buggy.

I've heard some great 9/11 humour, it's like two pies in the face and one in a field in Pennsylvania

How the Amish got their name This people moved to Pennsylvania and tried to be holy, renouce newfangled worldly things. They tried to be like the lord but they recognized the couldn't. ""'I am who I am,' saith the Lord."" ""I can't quite say 'I am', said the aspiring-to-be-holy-Pennsylvanian, but I am . . . Am-ish"" *click the top red arrow to upvote*

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, ""What the hell was that for?"" The cop answers, ""You're in Pennsylvania son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."" The driver says, ""I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."" The cop runs …

Coleman moved to Wyoming and was sitting in the unemployment office applying for a job. ""Have you any experience in coal mining?"" asked the clerk. ""Yeah in Pennsylvania"" he replied. ""They're using that new safety lamp down there now aren't they?"" ""Ah don't know mister"" said Coleman. ""I worked on the day shift.""

Q. What is the bigest pencil in the world? A. Pennsylvania

Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds. God wanted to know three things: ""Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?"" The first coach said ""I'm Joe Paterno. I coached Penn State from 1966 to 2000. I won 300 games 19 bowl victories 2 national championships and won Coach of the Year 4 times. The …

Advice from my father Son, you need a woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman that is great in bed. Most importantly, you must make sure these three women never meet. Happy Saturday night from Pennsylvania

State trooper A woman is driving through rural Pennsylvania when red and blue lights come on in her rearview mirror. The officer approaches the vehicle. Officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over? Woman: Ya, you wanted to invite me to the policeman's ball! Officer: Ma'am I am a Pennsylvania State Trooper and we don't have balls. There was a moment of silence..... The officer tipped his hat, returned to his patrol car and left.

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday .... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said th…

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation? Pennsylvania

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday .... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents

State trooper A woman is driving through rural Pennsylvania when red and blue lights come on in her rearview mirror. The officer approaches the vehicle.

Where does Dracula buy his pencils? Pennsylvania.

Did you know there is a town in Pennsylvania with the same same as one of the Great Lakes? It's eerie.

What effect does global warming have on Pennsylvania? It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Where do pencils come from ? Pennsylvania

Why isn't Kanye West allowed in rural Pennsylvania? An Amish with a tool, you know that's unheard of.