Mr Smith Jokes

- Hello, princess. Can I call you princess? - No. - OK then, Mr. Smith, let's just get started with your prostate exam.

WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*

Considerate. *An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless* Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said ""I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."" To which the radio jockey says "" Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"" Mr. Fieinstein says ""No....... I just wanted you to play a sad song for him"".

Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church... ... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, ""Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin."" Mrs. Smith acknowledged his instructions and sat down with her husband for the service. Shortly into the sermon, Mr. Smith ha…

Two policemen knocked on the front door Guy answers. One Policeman says ""Mr Smith?"". Guy says ""Yes, that's me. How can I help?"". Policeman: ""Well sir, it looks like your wife has been involved in a bad car accident"". Guy replies ""I know, but she's got a lovely personality"".

A Very Serious Medical Condition After a very troubling dream, Mr. Smith is visiting his psychiatrist for much needed advice. ""Doctor, these last few nights I've been having these incredibly vivid dreams,"" he says. ""They're really starting to bother me, and I don't know what they mean."" ""What are they about?"" his psychiatrist asks. ""Well, it's really strange. I dream I'm an old, Native American man. I've living out on the plains, returning from hunting the Great Buffalo. Then, as the drea…

The Surrogate The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been ex…

Whom to fire? One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, ""We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."" Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, ""Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."" The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, ""Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to…

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Mr Smith? Mr Smith went to Washington

""Doctor! Doctor! I think I may have Alzheimers!"" ""We had this discussion last week, Mr. Smith.""

Mr. Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: My son, ""Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."" My daughter ""Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."" My son, ""Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."" ""Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the resi…

I loved going to the psychiatrist as a young girl. He said ""I think I can see the problem, Mr Smith.""

Pink-and-purple poofy-rated ping pong ball So, there is a rich man, and he has a son. A month before his son's 5th birthday, he goes to his son and says, ""Son, your fifth birthday is coming soon. I am rich, so I can get you anything you like - money is no object. What would you like for your birthday?"" The son ponders this for a few seconds, then he says to his dad, ""I want a pink-and-purple poofy-rated ping pong ball."" The father is confused. He asks his son what that is, but his son just s…

Sarah and Jack Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed. Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to ta…

A man goes to the doctor and says, ""Doctor, please help me. I hurt all over."" The doctor asked the man to explain more. The man said, ""When I touch my arm it hurts, when I touch my leg it hurts, when I touch my head it hurts. Everywhere I touch it hurts."" The doctor examined the man and said. ""Mr Smith, your finger is broken!""

A man is cruising trough Hillbilly country Mr Smith is cruising in his convertible trough HillBilly country. The landscape is barren, large fields and the occasional tree. Suddently, Mr Smith notices a man on top of a tree: a Hillbilly. He gets closer to ask for directions and he is baffled: BRAAAMM BEEEMM BEEEEEEEM BEEEEEEEEEMMM BRA BRA BRA BEEEMMMM, shouts the HillBilly while riding a imaginary motorbike.   Mr Smith is stunned, and just cruises along. A mile away he notices another tr…

SMITH'S QUESTION... One of our co-worker Mr Smith went missing for a few hours and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found Smith fast asleep. Rather than waking him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest: ""As long as you're asleep, you have a job but as soon as you wake up, you're fired!"" Should Smith wake up or continue sleeping? Drop ur comment fast

A man rushes home hoping ti catch his wife with he lover. So he says to his son: ""Jonny, help me find the fancy man"" Jonny looks under his parent's bed and asks: ""Excuse me Mr. Smith, have you seen any fancy men around here?""

John's English Literature teacher saw that John had fallen asleep: ""Now let me ask you guys a question, who wrote HAMLET? John? Can you tell me?"" John woke up and rubbed his eyes: ""Hum, aaaaa, Mrs. Black, honestly, hum,I didn't do it!"" The class filled with laughters. The teacher was angry: ""Get out of my class and tell your parents to come to see me after school!"" John walked out of the class and phoned his father. His father came to the school in a rush. When John's father saw the teache…

Mr. Smith's Unusual Depression Doctors were dumbfounded when they couldn't figure out why Mr. Smith was so depressed. They interviewed him about how his day had gone, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, they asked him what he ate and he said he had a watermelon smoothie with broccoli salad for lunch. Then they realized, he was melonccoli.

A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door... ""Mr. Smith,"" The officer goes on, ""as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."" So, Mr. Smith says, ""alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!""

I never take risk while drinking It's long but read it .. This one is hilarious.. I never take risk while drinking When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen I stealthily enter the house Take out the bottle from my black cupboard Mona Lisa is looking at me from the photo frame But still no one is aware of it Becoz I never take a risk I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink Quickly enjoy one shot Wash the glass and again k…

Guy at the doctor's office..... (Doc)...... ""Mr Smith I have both *good* and *bad* news"" (Patient)... ""Ok doc, gimme the *bad* news first"" (Doc) - ""Well Mr. Smith, I'm afraid you have AIDS"" (Patient) - ""Oh NO.....What's the *good* news doc?"" (Doc) - ""Your cancer is eating it!!""

Cutbacks. One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, ""We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."" Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, ""Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."" The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, ""Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay…

The Smiths were unable to conceive children... and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, ""I'm off. The man should be here soon"" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ""Good morning, madam. I've come to...."" ""Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"" Mrs. Smith cut in. ""Really?"" the photographer asked. ""Well, …