Mr Smith Jokes

Mr. Smith goes to the Doctor complaining about a constant headache The Doctor runs some tests and tells the guy, “Take these pills for a month. These are very potent, so you take one of these one day and then skip a day and then take another one the next day and skip the next day and so on for a month. You can visit me after a month “ A few months go by and the doctor runs into the man’s wife in the market one day. “Mrs. Smith! How nice to see you here. How are you doing and how’s your husban…

By popular demand: Sheriff knocks on front door. Man answers. "Mr. Smith? It looks like your wife has been hit by a truck." "Yeah, I know, but she has a great personality."

A lawyer, Jones, is questioning his witness, Smith, during a murder trial. Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died? Smith: Yes, I can. He said... Judge: Now hold on a minute. I'm not sure if it could be considered hearsay if I allowed Mr Smith to continue. ​ This led to a long argument between both lawyers and the judge regarding the admissibility of Smith's testimony. After a couple of hours of deliberation, the judge calls for a recess while he consul…

Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith Two men of a certain age, Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith, would often meet at the local town park where they would sit on a bench and feed the pigeons. They became friends. One day when they met, Mr. Jones was very happy and excited and asked Mr. Smith \- “Have you ever tried Viagra?” Mr. Smith: “No”. Mr. Jones: \- “It’s amazing. I just started taking Viagra and I haven’t felt this good in some time. I feel like I am 20 years old again.” Mr. Smith: “I’ll try it.” Se…

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, “We’re making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.” Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, “Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don’t know whom to fire.” The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, “Barbara, I’ve got a problem. You see, I’ve got to lay you or Jack o…

Making babies The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been ex…

A revolutionary new product allows fathers to share a mother's pain during labour. Mr Smith is happy to try it out and help his pregnant wife

Dr: ""Mr Smith your wife is comfortable.""

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results The lab tech says to him

Mr. Smith took a career aptitude test with an employment agent. ""Well

A 90 year old man went to his doctor for his monthly visit... [NSFW] **Doctor**: Hello Mr. Smith

Whom to fire? One day Mr. Smith

Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem One day

Mr. Smith a very wealthy man...

Mr Smith's back pain. A man (let's call him Mr Smith) goes to the doctor with terrible back pain. It's keeping him up every night and leaving him in tears during the day. The doc runs some tests and breaks the bad news

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, " and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week. ". "That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself. "

The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife.."Show him, honey."

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffi…