On Fred's 17th birthday his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car the father said ""Just one thing Fred. If you're going to hit anything make sure it's cheap.""

At the deer lease The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, ""Man, what happened to you? He said, ""Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."" The next night it was a different guy's turn. I…

Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought.. A wife had just made her husband a nice breakfast as she was in need of a few things and her husband was just a complete A** Hole. So, the husband is reading the paper, and the wife says, ""Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought, well something is wrong with it, it won't go into the spin cycle and I was hoping you could take a look at it and see if you could fix it."" Husband lowers the news paper and says, ""What do I lo…

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent'shome for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.' Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary u…