Johnson Jokes

A Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for speeding, and asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, …

Cop Humour An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut ca…

Two men are sitting in a bar 'Hey, when were you born?' asks the first man. '3rd of February 1961,' replies the second. 'Interesting, that's when I was born too! Where were you born?' 'In Seattle.' 'That's weird, I was born in Seattle as well,' exclaims the first man. 'Where did you go to school?' 'I went to the Abraham Lincoln High School.' 'That's incredible, I went to Lincoln High too!' A waitress walks by. The first man grabs her arm and says: 'Hey, listen! This guy and I were born …

What do Magic Johnson, Charlie Sheen and roughly 250,000 children in Africa have in common? A continuing chance to create a better tomorrow. You **sick** bastards.

" Thank you for calling the Law Offices of Johnson, Johnson, Johnson, & Johnson..." "how may I direct your call?" "May I speak with Mr Johnson please?" "Sorry he's in a meeting." "Well how about Mr Johnson then?" "Sorry, he's in court" "Is Mr Johnson there, perhaps?" "Sorry, he's on vacation." "Ok, how about Mr Johnson then?" "Speaking."

Bob and Joe Erect Signs and Lettering on Buildings… Bob and Joe erect signs and lettering on office buildings and factories. One afternoon, Joe is high on a ladder putting up lettering outside ‘Johnson and Pollocks Engineering.’ He’s got as far as ‘Johnson and’ so he shouts down to Bob, “Hey Bob, pass up the letter P will you?” Bob looks around the back of the van, searching high and low, then shouts back, “I can’t find a P. The only spare letter I can find is a B!” “Oh shit,” shouts down Jo…

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are playing poker when the cops raid the game. The lead officer questions the priest, “Father Murphy, were you gambling? Father Murphy silently asks God to forgive him for what he is about to say. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop turns to the minister, “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Pastor Johnson also appeals to Heaven. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop finally turns to the rabbi. “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?” “Gambling?” …

So now, I'm, Just Fred ​ A Wyoming Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. "Fred," he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred," the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. T…

The Captain called the Sergeant in... "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So, the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant, "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh, by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant int…

Camouflage training at the military Captain: I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY JOHNSON!!

What do Magic Johnson Charlie Sheen and roughly 250

Kobe was one of the best Lakers players of all time But Magic Johnson was definitely the most positive.

Want to know what makes my johnson magic? It transmists H.I.V

How did Magic Johnson get Aids? By using his Magic Johnson.

What did Magic Johnson give his teammates after winning an NBA title? A HI-V (high five)

How did the cheerleader get magic AIDS? A Magic Johnson.

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well" replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry, "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks" replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying in school?" asked …

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said…