Literal Sandwiches General James: Where's Johnson? Private Ham Sandwich: I'm not sure. Hey, do you know where Johnson is? Private Grilled Cheese Sandwich: Yes, the general told him to get him a sandwich General James: Yes, but both of you are right here. It is then that General James realized what had happened. General James: He must've went to get me a real sandwich. Captain Real Sandwich: But i'm right here sir. General James: Then by god where the hell is he? The End. Courtesy of my brother. …

A man who was in the army for two years died. The general orders a soldier to inform Mrs. Johnson that her husband died. The soldier obeys and leaves. A few hours later the soldier returns to the general with a crate of beer, and tells the general he informed mrs. Johnson. ""Good job soldier,"" the general says ""but how did you get that crate of beer?"" The soldier responds, ""I knocked on her door and when a woman opened I asked: ""Is this widow Johnson?"" She responded with: ""I am misses Joh…

Cowboy Singer There was this country singing cowboy in a dark saloon one night. He got up to play and announced his first song, ""I wrote this one a long time ago, its called 'Ol' Boil on My Foot is Burnin'"" The audience had a general look of confusion but the cowboy went on to play most beautiful, sad country song many had ever heard. He quickly moved on to the next tune, ""This ballad is about the night my ex left me, its called 'She Can't Handle the Bumps on My Pecker"" Again, the audience g…

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day…